Stop And Smell The Roses

Seems like an odd topic when you’re buried in snow, but of course I’m not talking about flowers. I’m talking about friends.

I have a friend at the Y, Don, who walks in circles around the track with me. Don is 82, a widower who lives with one of his three daughters, and a bright spot in my trips to the Y. He comes to the Y almost daily, and knows just about everybody’s name who goes there regularly. He smiles and tells jokes and visits, and can make the sound of a train whistle, which he does frequently. That, in fact, was how I first noticed him.

I go to the Y to exercise. Now and then I’ll stop to chat with someone I haven’t seen for a while, but most times it’s just a smile and a wave, and I keep moving. I barely notice new people—until I’ve seen them around a few times. But I only talk to people I already know, mostly from church. My plan is to walk in the door, put in my already-decided-upon time period of exercise for that day, and leave again so I can get on with my life—usually so I can go home and get something to eat. Going to the Y almost always makes me hungry.

It was during my 100 miles in 100 days challenge last year that I first encountered Don. I was on a mission to get my three miles a day in—since I didn’t go every day—and I was walking around the track like a fiend, one lap per minute, feeling the wind on my face and lifting my hair like I was rollerskating.

Don would say, “Look at her go!” as I passed by, and pull the handle on his imaginary train whistle. I’d smile and wave and just keep going.

Then one day I thought, who am I, to be too busy to talk to this open and friendly man, and decided to stop and say hello. Don fell right into step, although not as quickly, and we started talking. He tells jokes, and flirts with the ladies, and always has a positive attitude. He’ll ask, “How are you today?” and I’ll smile and say, "I’m here,” and he’ll laugh and say, “You got that right. Better to be seen than viewed.”

I’ll ask if he has any big plans for that night, the weekend, or the upcoming holiday, and he won’t miss a beat—“No, you want to go somewhere?” Always trying to make a date.

Friday I asked if he had any plans for the weekend and he said, “At my age, I don’t like to plan too far in advance.”

He was on his way to visit a friend that afternoon, in the hospital after having a stroke. “The guy was young,” Don said. “Only 67.” Then he looks at me. “Like you, right? That’s about your age.”

And we laughed again. At least I did :). Maybe he was serious this time :).

One day, I think it was after a big holiday weekend, I saw Don off in the alcove weighing himself on the old-fashioned scale that you have to slide the metal weights across to find out what you weigh. I snuck up behind him and put my sneaker toe on the back of the scale. He moved the weights, and then paused, and I couldn’t see his face, but I saw his head tilt to the side and imagined he was frowning before he moved the weights a little more. And then a little more.

Before he turned around and caught me, I stepped back, and resumed my walk around the track.

Before too long he comes into the main room, catches me as I come around, and we start walking. I mention I saw him weighing himself. “How’s it going?” I ask casually. “Weight holding steady?” “Nah, I’m up a few pounds,” he says,” sounding a little bewildered. “That’s because I had my toe on the scale,” I told him. And then I told him what I’d done.

We’ve been friends ever since.

Now he looks for me, keeps track of when he last saw me, and is always glad to see me when I come in for my walk. And I enjoy getting to know about Don. For many years, he drove a truck, delivering snack foods to stores in the area. The stories he has to tell…

He’s always saying how he can’t keep up with me, and tells me he’s a hindrance to me. Don can only walk around the track three to five times before he needs a rest. But when he’s resting somebody usually comes by and says hello, so he essentially takes a visit break between laps. Me, I pick up speed and keep zooming around the track until Don is ready to walk a few laps again.

I don’t find Don a hindrance. I find him fun and interesting to talk to. He’s lived a long and fruitful life, and I would miss him if he wasn’t there. I notice when our paths don’t cross, as I often go in at different times of the day, whenever it’s convenient for me to take a break from the computer.

He’ll ask what time I have to leave today, and I’ll tell him, because I always know. I’m a little compulsive that way, chopping my day into distinct time frames. And always, as I’m leaving, Don says, “Thanks for walking with me. It’s more fun when you’re walking with someone.”

Isn’t that the truth of it? Life is much more fun when we walk with friends.

The Results of My Walking Challenge :)

For the past several years I’ve been trying to lose weight. I tried Weight Watchers, I tried various eating plans--low carb, glycemic index-based, hormone balancing--I tried exercise—cardio and strength training--I tried combinations of all three. I was determined, come hell or high water, to shed those excess pounds that had gradually appeared around my middle.

Well, hell is exactly what I got.

PMDD begins with an imbalance in a woman’s hormones, but through some complicated process scientists and doctors have yet to fully understand, the end result involves a lack of serotonin in the brain. Serotonin is a neurotransmitter that regulates mood. Lack of serotonin in the brain = depressed mood.

One thing that helps to create serotonin in the brain is carbohydrates. What do women with PMDD crave? Carbs. So no, you’re not crazy, and you don’t lack willpower. Your body is telling you what it needs with a vengeance. Your craving for carbs is simply your body telling you what it needs to bring it back into balance. This is why at times we can’t seem to stop ourselves from eating the sugar, the pasta, the chocolate, the quick fixes.

The problem only worsens when we reach for carbs with little or no nutritional value to feed our need for serotonin, but that’s a post for another day.

Today I want to talk about diet and exercise and PMDD. Exercise overall is good for anyone, so let’s get that right out of the way. While you’re exercising, you’re boosting your immune system and endorphins, strengthening muscles, including or especially your heart, building bones, toning, firming, and burning calories. The problem for a PMDD woman, however, is when our bodies are out of balance, and especially when we’re having an episode of PMDD, exercise can make the PMDD worse. (Again, for you to experience the full benefits of any exercise program, you have to balance your hormones first.)

What do most diets tell you to restrict these days? Carbs. What does a PMDD woman crave? Carbs. What happens when she doesn’t get them? PMDD. What happens when she gets the wrong kind of carbs? More PMDD. What does any kind of cardio or strength training exercise do? Burns carbs. What does a PMDD woman need? Carbs. Do you see where I’m going with this?

This time last year I was a mess. I had made a vow in January of 2009 I was going to lose those excess 20 pounds, no matter what it took. I was restricting carbs and doing 45 minutes of cardio five times a week. That wasn’t working, so I upped it to an hour a day. I ended up with such a lack of serotonin in my brain that my PMDD episodes were lasting not just days, but weeks.

Something had to change. I went on a research binge and read everything I could get my hands on about PMDD. I found out I was causing my own problems by restricting my carbs and exercising so much, thereby burning the very carbs I needed to produce serotonin in my brain. My body was screaming in protest, sending me into longer and deeper troughs of PMDD.

So the first thing I did was start listening to my body. When it wants carbs, it gets carbs. I did, however, slowly get rid of 95% of the non-nutritional carbs in my fridge and cupboards, and replace them with healthy, nutritional carbs. Fruits, vegetables, whole grains, you know the drill. The problem is not that we don’t know what’s good for us, it’s that we’re unwilling to make the change to better eating habits, until the pain of living in hormonal misery all the time forces us to make the change.

My eating habits today are 100% better than they were a year ago, and they weren’t that bad to start with. I’ve never been a fan of sugar, can’t eat corn syrup at all. It gives me a headache and makes me grumpy. Sugar makes me nauseous. So I started with eating better. I realized I was self-defeating myself with so much exercise, and made the mistake of stopping altogether.

Just until I get my hormones back on track, I told myself. Well, four months and ten pounds more later, my hormones were still out of whack and I was well out of shape…

Slowly, one baby step at a time, I had to get back into the swing of things. I had to get my body back up to the level of exercise I had been at before, or risk gaining even more weight, plus increasing other associated health risks.But boy did my body protest. No matter what I did, every time I moved it in a different way, it got stiff and sore for a day or two. Before long, everything was hurting. This didn’t make sense…what the heck was going on?

Well, for one, I’m getting older, and it takes longer to get into the swing of things again once you’re older. Even if you’re just a little bit older, I quickly learned, when you’re at my age, which is 52. Muscle response times just aren’t the same.

So after pulling a few muscles and nearly incapacitating myself, I settled for walking. Baby steps. I joined a walking challenge at my YMCA, 100 miles in 100 days. Shouldn’t be a problem, right? I started with 1-2 miles a day, and quickly moved to 2-3 miles a day, then 3-4 and 4-5. It was amazing how the miles piled up. In the first 50 days, 19 of which I skipped off and on, I already had 85 miles. How was that possible? I was going to reach 100 well before the deadline.

So I upped my personal challenge to 200 miles in 100 days. With just three miles a day of walking, I could easily make that. An added bonus was we could use time on the treadmill, cardio, or cycling machines to count toward our mile totals. During the course of the second part of the challenge, I started with ten minutes of cardio on the elliptical, and worked my way up to 30. Any more than that, I’ve discovered, starts sending me into the negative carb column again.

On Monday I completed my walking challenge. I did 203 miles in 100 days. I’m now regularly walking 20 miles a week. And you know what? I haven’t lost a single pound. I weigh exactly the same as I did at the beginning of the year, when I once again made a resolution to lose weight.

So….I improved my diet 100%, and I went from nothing to walking 20 miles a week. Things shifted, sure, and tightened and toned, but the scale, she wouldn’t budge.

It’s the hormones. They’re still not in balance. I can tell by the way my body feels, and how it responds to exercise. The harder I exercise, the worse I feel. 4-5 miles a day was too much. 3 is a good number for me, in a combination of the elliptical and walking. Too much cardio and I burn too many carbs and feel wiped out afterward. A two-mile walk, however, especially on a bad day, energizes me and improves my mood.

So…now that I’ve got the eating and exercise habits sorted out, next on my list is balancing the hormones from within, through good nutrition. In the meantime, if you’re cutting carbs and exercising like a fiend and still feeling miserable, maybe this post will help you to figure out why.

Change is Hard

Change is hard. I don’t think anybody likes change. Even when it’s a good change. I’ve been working on some positive changes since the start of the year, and to tell the truth, most days it feels like I’m getting nowhere. But every now and then a spark of awareness occurs, and I realize, that yes, I am making progress.

Take my 100 miles in 100 days walking challenge, for example. It started out slow, 45 minutes or 1-2 miles a day, then gradually increased to 1-1 ½ hours, or 4-5 miles a day, putting me way over the goal by having around 95 miles logged in before the first 50 days was up.

So I decided to scale back to a manageable three miles a day and carry on, shoot for 200 miles in 100 days. I now have 7 days left, and 17 miles to go.

But what started out as a little something to make me more active (since at the time I couldn’t use any of the machines at the Y and was not exercising at all), has now become an hour a day habit.

Now, if you had told me at the beginning that “You will have to spend one hour of each day walking” for the rest of your life, I would have said, no way, can’t do it, don’t have the time. Now, nearly 100 days later, I can’t imagine going through my day without doing something physical (I’m back to using some equipment at the Y), or, at the very least, walking. I get grumpy if I miss my daily walk or fitness break.

So with that habit now firmly entrenched, I’ve started a new challenge. I’ve joined a group of fellow writers committed to writing 1000 words a day. Blogs don’t count. (So what you’re reading now does not count toward my total for today.) Our 1000 words have to be words written on our books, or works in progress. Yesterday was the first day. I can’t tell you how hard it was to decide what to write and then sit down and do it. Again, if someone had said to me, “You will have to write 1000 words a day for the rest of your life,” I would have said, no way, can’t do it, don’t have the time. Life gets in the way, you know?

But since this is a time-limited challenge, like the 100 miles in 100 days walking, I said yes, I can do that. Our challenge will last about six weeks. I’ve heard it takes only three weeks to develop a new habit, so by the end of the six weeks, I should have the new habit of writing 1000 words a day, and not just when time permits and inspiration hits.

But what I’ve found already is it’s complicated when you have two goals that oppose each other. Writing involves sitting in the chair and typing. Walking involves getting up and moving around. How on earth am I supposed to fit both into a day already chock full of things to do?

The answer is priorities. A long time ago, I made a list of seven priorities. Writing and exercise are on that list, but I now see that was an exercise in intentions vs. reality. These challenges will help me to make those priorities something more than words on a list of good intentions. I figured out yesterday that since the walking is now a priority and I get grumpy if I don’t walk, that I will always make time for walking. So the writing, being a new element I am adding to my routine, has to come before the walking. Can’t go walking until I finish writing.

And so the change builds, one step after another.

Another change I have been trying to make is to improve my eating habits. Not that they were all that bad to start with, but yes, I could use a little adjustment. Mostly having to do with dairy products and sugar. Still, the thought of never eating some of my favorite snack items again was truly daunting. I didn’t think it could be done. But slowly, gradually, I ate what was in the cupboards and refrigerator at the time, and simply didn’t buy those dairy products and processed snack foods any more. I watched in amazement as the contents of my fridge shifted over to only healthy choices, and surprise of surprises, I didn’t feel deprived.

Over the weekend we had an impromptu picnic here. My friends brought the guests and the food. Hamburgers, hot dogs, cole slaw, potato salad, fruit salad, baked beans, strawberry-rhubarb crumble, macaroni-tuna salad, and ice cream and cones. Between us we had five cartons of ice cream lined up on the table. It was truly a feast for friends.

But as I started to eat, I noticed I could taste the sugar in everything. The potato salad was the exception, so I had two helpings of that. But I was even able to taste the sugar in the bun of my annual hot dog. The ketchup, something I only eat on my annual hot dog, no doubt added to the sweetness. The baked beans were so sweet I decided I wouldn’t need any dessert, and I was only able to pick the tart filling out of the strawberry rhubarb crumble. The brown sugar coated oat crumble I couldn’t eat at all. The only way I was able to have any ice cream was an hour later, with a cup of coffee to counteract the sweetness.

Used to be I couldn’t drive past the ice cream shop without wanting to stop. Now it’s the last thing I want to do. My stomach gets queasy just thinking about it. My taste buds have changed, have adapted to my healthier style of eating, and have no desire to go back. Even my long-time favorite, brownies, no longer have any appeal.

But if you’d told me six months ago I’d never eat brownies or ice cream again, I’d have said, no way, can’t do it, can’t even imagine living without it.

Now, however, I can.

So yes, change is hard.

But not impossible.

Listening to Your Body

It’s Wednesday already, and I’ve been meaning to do a post on wellness, or, specifically, listening to your body. In January, I decided I was going to get back into exercising, as I’d taken several months off—not by choice. I was sailing along, doing my cardio five times a week, but not losing any weight, so I thought I’d extend my exercise time by 20 minutes and bring it up to a full hour a day by simply walking around the track at the Y.

So I started walking. Pretty soon I was having trouble with my feet. They felt like they were on fire. I could barely walk any more. My walking time decreased to less than 15 minutes a day before I could stand it no more, and I had to stop with the elliptical machine too. Something was wrong, but I didn’t know what. I just knew my feet were experiencing some serious pain and walking brought it on.

So I stopped going to the Y. But after a while, the inactivity got to me, so I decided I wanted to start walking again. Something light, with a friend. Just once a week on Sunday afternoon. Baby steps. Our first walk we went one and a half hours. My feet didn’t hurt. The following week we did it again. No problem. The third week we took another route, through a development, and the road angled up at the edges for drainage, instead of down, like a crowned road.

My feet started burning again, and I realized it was because I was walking on a tilted road and it was forcing my foot to bend inward at what is apparently for me an unnatural angle.

What else tilts? The track at my Y. It tilts up at the top and bottom of the oval. And each day the direction we’re supposed to walk or run in changes, alternating between clockwise and counterclockwise. By going regularly, I was alternately tilting one foot, and then the other, at that awkward angle.

Now, I wasn’t supposed to be walking on the track to start with—walkers are supposed to walk around the outside of the track—but it was getting crowded in that walking area and so when the track wasn’t being used, I’d step down onto the track and walk there.

When did I start having burning foot problems? When I added 20 minutes of walking to my exercise regimen and walked on the track.

I went back to the Y and tried it again. Within minutes my feet were burning again. Interesting. I went to my chiropractor and explained what I’d learned. He said absolutely that could happen--radiated nerve pain from walking on an uneven surface--and put everything back in alignment. I went back to the Y and tried walking around the outside of the track. No problem.

So I started slow. 20, 30, then 40 to 50 minutes a day walking around the edge of the track. When it got to be that I was practically speed walking, the wind blowing through my hair like I was roller skating, and this older gentleman was making train whistle noises as I sailed past him, I started up on the elliptical again. Ten minutes to start, then 20 and 30, and now I’m back to where I started (or left off) almost a year ago, before I got the brilliant idea to start walking in addition to my cardio training.

Well, it was a good idea. How did I know the track would do my feet in?

In the meantime, I signed up for this 100 miles in 100 days walking challenge. One mile a day, how hard could it be? But then something strange happened. As the weeks passed, I started picking up speed and going longer and longer, 2-3 miles, then 3-4, and then 4-5. Suddenly I’m racking up five miles a day, and things are shifting around in my body. People are asking me if I’m losing weight. I’m not, the scale hasn’t budged, in fact my weight went up, but my jeans have gotten so loose I could easily wear them with half of my bottom hanging out like some teenage boys do.

So today I will pass the 100 mile mark, and I’m only on my 56th day of walking. But what’s even better is that walking is now a habit and I get irritable if I don’t get my ten miles a week in, between my Sunday walk with my friend and the Y.

I started out with a small goal, one mile a day, and as my body felt better (aka by listening to my body), I slowly increased that to five miles, but have since pulled back to a comfortable four miles a day, easily done between walking and the elliptical within the space of an hour.

If I’m having a bad day, a PMDD day, where my energy level is low, I pull back to two or three miles a day. And some days I don’t go at all. Things happen. Errands need to be run, I get involved in a writing project, or I need to go out of town. But overall, I’m able to put in my ten miles a week without any trouble, and I finally feel good again.

All it took was setting one small goal and taking some baby steps toward that goal. Calling a friend to see if she wanted to walk with me once a week. Now I’m working on doing the same in other areas of my life. Stretching for flexibility, eating well, getting enough rest and relaxation. The added benefit has been that while doing all of that walking around in circles, my mind was free to wander, and I’ve come up with some new creative ideas I’ve been busy putting into motion during my non-walking time.

But when I went back to the Y I started with just 10-20 minutes a day. Now I’m looking at posters for 5K walks and thinking of walking for causes, just to get out, socialize, exercise, and contribute to something positive.

If there’s a goal you have in your life that you’ve been meaning to get around to, there’s no better time than right now to start taking those baby steps toward it. Listen to your heart, and listen to your body. As long as you keep listening, and don’t overdo, neither of them will let you down.

Learning to Listen

I skipped Friday’s FWL post for two reasons…one, I was so busy working on my new PMDD website I didn’t even realize it was Friday until mid-afternoon and two, I already had it in my mind I wanted to continue this theme of listening. Last Sunday I talked about the importance of having one, just one person who will listen to you, your joys and sorrows, hopes and dreams. More than one is always great, if only to give your listener a break (smile), but also to provide different perspectives on whatever it is you are sharing.

But only one will do, if that person is a true friend and a good listener. Still, there are so many people who don’t even one person in their lives they can count on to listen to them, just listen. So if you have one, consider yourself blessed beyond measure. And if you don’t—be the change you want to see in your life. Try listening, really listening, to someone else first. I think you’ll be surprised at the results :).

I find that talking things out with a listener helps to clarify things in my own mind. They don’t even have to do anything but listen, either in person, or on the phone. The same is true of writing. When you journal, your “listener” can be anyone you choose. I like to think of mine as God. I’m sharing my thoughts with God, who has proven to me many times over that He does indeed listen.

Then, on Wednesday, I talked about listening to your body. I think a lot of us forget we even have bodies, unless some part of that body is making life uncomfortable or inconveniencing us. We operate mostly in our heads, and ignore the needs of our bodies for healthy food, rest, relaxation, and exercise. Instead we fill our bodies with whatever food is handy, quick and convenient, load up on caffeine and energy drinks to keep us going, and give lip service to wanting to relax and exercise more.

I don’t exercise because I want to, trust me. I exercise because if I don’t, my body will let me know it with aches and pains and stiffness and creaky knees. Oh, and an overall sluggish feeling that makes me long to lay around and just do nothing. Which, when I give in, gets me nothing but more aches and pains and stiffness and creaky knees.

Just another example of how our bodies speak to us, letting us know what we need to stay strong and healthy. So listening to them is important if we want them to serve us well.

But today I want to talk about another kind of listening. Listening to that voice within. Some call it God, some call it Tao, some call it Mother Wisdom. Whatever you call it, it is vital that you take some time out every day to listen to it. Otherwise you’re nothing more than a hamster on a wheel, running, running, running, with no sense of where you’re going, and getting nowhere. Every moment of your day is filled with doing, not being. And when you fall into bed exhausted at the end of the day, you have no sense of being further ahead than you were the day before…whatever your “ahead” might consist of.

My favorite time for listening is just before and right after I open my eyes after sleeping. I tend to rise to consciousness slowly, and find my best thoughts of the day are the ones that float into my mind before my brain takes over, kicking in with my mental to-do list for the day. Some of my most creative thoughts occur then, but unless I write them down, once my day starts, almost always those thoughts are forgotten within minutes of getting out of bed. Still, I know that’s when I listen best. I also know that if I don’t wake up that way, if the alarm or phone startles me awake, I miss out on that early morning moment of peace and feel grumpy. So I try to go to sleep at the same time each night and wake up naturally.

Another time I listen well is while driving. To do this I need to turn off the CD player and drive in silence. (Talking on the phone while driving, for me, is not an option.) For those of us who can’t seem to make the time to sit still and listen for a few moments each day, listening while driving might work. You bring yourself into the moment and focus on nothing but what you are doing right then—driving. For most of us, driving is automatic, so our minds are free to listen. The same can be done while doing dishes, or folding laundry, gardening, or cleaning.

You don’t have to stop and literally sit still to hear your inner voice. Nor do you have to take up meditation or yoga to hear what’s in your heart. Life gives us many opportunities to listen throughout our days. We just have to learn to relax and accept them.

Silence is a great source of strength. ~ Lao Tzu

P.S. I wrote this post yesterday morning. Imagine my surprise when last night I went to Mass, and the priest who substituted for our regular priest gave his homily on this very subject. He talked about turning off our phones and ipods and all those things that supposedly keep us ‘connected’ and taking time to just listen, instead. I'll take that as a message that I'm on track :)

A Handbook for 2010

I'm still feeling under the weather, so how handy that I got this in an email from a friend this week. On all the loops people are talking about resolutions, and this seems like a great guideline to use. Take what you need from it, and have a great year!

HANDBOOK 2010

Health:
1. Drink plenty of water.
2. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar.
3. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.
4. Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm and Empathy
5. Make time to pray.
6. Play more games.
7. Read more books than you did in 2009.
8. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.
9. Sleep for 7 hours.
10. Take a 10-30 minutes walk daily. And while you walk, smile.

Personality:
11. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
12. Don't have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
13. Don't overdo. Keep your limits.
14. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
15. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip.
16. Dream more while you are awake
17. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need..
18. Forget issues of the past. Don't remind your partner of his/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.
19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don't hate others.
20. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.
21. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
22. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
23. Smile and laugh more.
24. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

Society:
25. Call your family often.
26. Each day give something good to others.
27. Forgive everyone for everything.
28. Spend time w/ people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6.
29. Try to make at least three people smile each day.
30. What other people think of you is none of your business.
31. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.

Life:
32. Do the right thing!
33. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
34. GOD heals everything.
35. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
36. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
37. The best is yet to come.
38. When you awake alive in the morning, thank GOD for it.