The Voices of Our Past -- And Present

Last night’s theme in the Women’s Lenten Speaker Series I'm attending was “The Voices of Our Past.” On the altar was an elegant display of framed photographs of the mothers and grandmothers of the women who are putting on what has become an annual program at our church. The speakers encouraged us to honor the voices of our past, the words and actions of strong and wise women both in our own families and experience, as well as public figures who have shaped our lives, for, as women, we collectively stand on the shoulders of all those who have come before us. Our presenters spoke of the faith of The Samaritan Woman, and Joan of Arc. Our special guest speaker was a woman who, because of traumatic events in her childhood, descended into promiscuity, drug and alcohol abuse, a series of abusive relationships, and crime. She gave birth to her third child while incarcerated, and while hemorrhaging in her cell, cried out to God…

And He answered. With the help of two special women in her life, she has now been clean for over four years, has reunited with her family, has put her life back together, and now works as a staff member in one of the halfway houses she lived in when she was released from prison. None of which she could have accomplished without her faith that God was (and is to this day) with her every step of the way.

Also during the program, we were invited to proceed down to the altar, where a basket full of cards, much like graduation announcements, waited. On the cover are the words, May your Voice shine bright like the prism of your heart. We were to select a card from the basket that would hold inside a name of significance in our lives.

As we processed, our guest speaker played a soothing, almost haunting melody on the organ, which we later learned she herself had composed. Music, we later discovered, was what had helped her to process all of the pain and trauma and negative emotions in her life, and brought her back to the joy of living. Apparently the two women from our church, both involved in prison ministry, had plopped a keyboard down in front of her and told her to give voice to the music inside her as part of her healing. And what beautiful music it was, reminiscent to me of the peace and joy and majesty of Pachelbel’s Canon, a timeless favorite of some of the happiest women in the world--brides.

So each of us chose a card from the basket, a card which contained a name inside especially meant for the woman who chose it as a message from God.

I watched the women’s faces as they left the altar, without exception opening the card and reading the name inside. Some smiled, some frowned, some looked confused, and others laughed, as the meaning hit home.

As for me, I waited until I had found my seat in the sacred space where we gathered in silence to hear our speakers before opening mine, feeling somewhat curious, somewhat apprehensive, and yes, somewhat skeptical.

But when I opened my card, I shook and nearly cried.

The name I had chosen was Hannah. I couldn’t believe it. My first thought was God was letting me know He knew me and heard my prayers. For Hannah was the name I had chosen over eighteen years ago for my child had he been born a girl. No one knew that but me.

Since we were also asked to reflect on the meaning of the name we selected, I did so, and the words that came to me were “The Hannah Project,” presented as a link in the sidebar of my PMDD site. That meant to me that I have yet to give birth to another creation, this one a feminine creation, of and pertaining to women, since the overall theme of this speaker series is Give Voice to Your Heart so that others may benefit from your wisdom and caring and be heard as well. Over the past two years, my PMDD site has done just that. I have spoken from the heart, have told my story, and in doing so have told the story of countless other women, many of whom, after reading my PMDD blog, for the first time in their lives feel understood. Through my writing, I am giving them a voice.

The significance of this name became even more apparent to me as we dimmed the lights, and one by one each woman read aloud the name on her card. I’d say 95% of the names were either historical figures, women in politics past and present, social justice advocates, and/or celebrities. Queens and slaves and martyrs and saints. Only a handful came from the Bible. Not because they weren’t there, but because they weren’t selected. There were more than enough cards in the basket for every woman there, maybe twice as many as the women there. But only a handful of the names called out were from the Bible.

And mine was one of them. And mine was Hannah.

The only other name I would have interpreted to mean that God “knew” me, that God heard my voice, was Grace, as my beloved cat Grace recently passed away unexpectedly, having developed fluid in her lungs within the space of three days.

This morning I discovered that the name Hannah derives from the Hebrew word Grace.

If you think God doesn’t know you, doesn’t hear you, doesn’t love you…

Think again.

Hormones Gone Haywire

I’m not sure what’s going on. My hormones seem to be going haywire again. I’m wondering if it’s from going to the whirlpool at the Y for my shoulder a few weeks ago. The chemicals in the water are deadly to hormone balance, and I knew that going in, but I needed some kind of relief from the pain. Now my hormones are out of kilter and my shoulder is messed up again.

It’s very frustrating when you try to do the right thing and the opposite effect occurs. I went to the chiropractor, which usually makes me feel better. This time I feel ten times worse. As if my body prefers to be maladjusted and putting it aright sets off my nerve endings.

Between that and the hormonal swings…life is a bit unpleasant at the moment. But determined soul that I am, I went grocery shopping on Monday, stocked up on all the good, whole, healthy foods I need for the first week of this new 30-Day Hormonal Balance eating plan I want to try and then blog about at the other site. (The last hormone-balancing eating plan I tried was quite successful in how it made me feel--my PMDD symptoms abated for four blissful months-but it was too heavy on the dairy products and sent my hot flashes soaring. I had to abandon it or give up sleeping.)

So Monday I was so proud of myself. My first totally pure shopping venture. No junk food in the cart. Well, there was the ice cream, but it was all natural and $2 a carton (couldn’t pass that up!) and it was for my son. I have no desire to eat any, even as miserable as I am feeling. Does that mean I am doing well? Sure doesn’t feel like it.

Anyway, the only processed food in my cart was my bedtime Cheerios. Once they’re gone, I won’t have any vices left :(.

So I came home and yesterday started the eating plan. By noon I had a raging headache. I don’t get headaches. Which just goes to show I need a certain amount of calories per day, and a certain portion of that has to be healthy carbs—or else. So for the rest of the day I only ate healthy foods on the list, didn’t give in to any cravings, but now my body’s decided it’s in starvation mode and has bloated up another couple of pounds, achieving the opposite effect of what I was after.

200 miles walked and not a pound lost—or gained. Two days off due to other commitments and 24 hours of eating only whole, healthy foods and the weight climbs 2-5 pounds, depending on the time of day. Makes no sense.

Not much makes sense right now, mentally, emotionally, or physically. Spiritually, I’m feeling good. Very upbeat and positive. Don’t know where I’d be without my faith.

Meanwhile, I continue reading and learning and listening to my body, which is screaming for something right now, some kind of relief, but I don’t know what that is. Believe me, if I knew, I’d be right on it. This is not fun.

I think I’ll make an omelet for breakfast and then go to the Y and walk. But I’ll have to stay out of the whirlpool :(.

Can You Spare A Moment in Time?

I think we’ve all received that email at one time or another where a young boy who has been teased and tormented at school finally clears out his locker and plans to go home and kill himself, but on the way he drops his books and someone stops to help him pick them up, someone who becomes a friend, and in that moment changes his plans and his life. (If you haven't read it yet, here's one link, and then another, kindly supplied by the hosts of Zen Moments, who stumbled across this post--Thank You!) There are others, such as the story of a cab driver who picked up an elderly woman on her way to a hospice and ended up driving her around town for hours without charging her so that she could relive her favorite memories one last time. Then there are the Christmas stories about single mothers with no money to buy presents for their children, and yet many presents arrive.

Last but not least is the story of Teddy Stoddard, which has inspired many, but according to Snopes, is a fictional story of a young boy who taught his teacher a life lesson she will never forget.

The themes that all these stories have running through them are kindness and compassion, something we could all use a little more of in our lives. Whether they are true or not, they are meant to make us stop for a moment and think about the things we say and do—or don’t say and do--and realize the possible impact we can have on the people around us, from our closest family members to the clerks and cashiers we meet in passing in the drive-throughs, checkout lines, and toll booths of our lives.

I’ve had several moments in my life that either gave me hope, courage, or the willpower and determination to continue. One that stands out in my mind is rather gross, but unforgettable. I was pregnant with my only child, a high risk pregnancy, and I had started bleeding, and was terrified I would lose the baby. I called a friend about something else and in the course of the conversation, broke down with my fear. Quite nonchalantly, she said to me, “Oh, you’d be surprised at how much you can bleed and still keep the baby.” She then went on to tell me of her experience, which had been much worse than mine was.

Still, I held onto her words like a lifeline until I delivered a healthy baby boy.

I’ve since gone back and thanked the woman for getting me through that terrifying time, and she doesn’t even remember our conversation. It was just an off the cuff remark she made to reassure me and she didn’t give it a second thought.

Which just goes to show that you never know how your words or actions will affect the lives of others.

I’ve had people come back to me, and tell me things that I said to them that gave them new hope and determination for a situation they were facing. Things I don’t remember saying, but made all the difference in the world to them…and for that I am glad.

Any moment can be one that you or someone you’ve encountered remembers for a lifetime, a little jewel in the sandstorm of life, for you to take out and remember and appreciate when the going gets tough. Most of those moments are rooted in random acts of kindness. I’m not saying you need to join the World Kindness Movement, or any other kindness organization, but simply encouraging you to take time in your day to smile at someone who might not receive a smile otherwise, open doors for men and women alike, especially the elderly and mothers with young children, say please and thank you to clerks and other attendants, or stop and listen, really listen, to a child.

We all want to matter to someone, we all want to count. We all want to be seen and heard in ways large and small. All it takes to acknowledge that special person in your life, a friend, acquaintance, or even a complete stranger, is a moment of your time.

There is no greater gift on this day we celebrate love and romance, or any day, than You.

As a special Valentine’s Treat, leave a comment with a life-changing moment for you here for a chance to win an autographed copy of Thin Ice and an even bigger prize--a 5-ARC (advanced reading copy) package from the Classic Romance Revival authors who are participating in today’s Moment in Time Blog Carnival. The winner will be drawn from visitors commenting on the most blogs.

To qualify for the grand prize, you need to register for the contest. Please visit the Classic Romance Revival blog to find details of all the participating blogs and to register.

Sunday's Inspirational Quote

There is no pleasure in having nothing to do; the fun is in having lots to do and not doing it - Mary Little

I have this one up in my kitchen, to remind me to take time out and "just be" for a while. I couldn't think of a better quote for this week, when so many of us are preparing to spend Thanksgiving with friends and family and all that entails: the shopping, the cooking, the cleaning, the traveling, the snow shoveling....

Remember to take time out and appreciate why we are all getting together.

In the meantime, we're still clicking over at the Breast Cancer site, and are 52% on our way to our goal.

Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours!