This is used with permission from the blog of a fellow Wild Rose Press author, Alisha Paige, who is helping out a friend. If there's anything you can do to help, please contact Alisha at alishapaigewilson@yahoo.com.
Helping Hands....Single Mom in Need of Diapers/Milk
My friend, Portia is in need of Diapers and Milk. She has not been paid for over a month and has filed a Wage Dispute against her employer. How bad is that? I've been there. I worked for a plastic surgeon...yep, a doctor that didn't pay his employees on time. I went through the same thing and it's a long process. I eventually received my back pay but it took awhile. Portia's little girl is in need of small size PULL UPS and her little boy is in need of size 5/6 DIAPERS.
If you have any extras you didn't use with your kids or know of any place that would like to donate, please email me at alishapaigewilson@yahoo.com. I can email you my home address to mail them to and I'll deliver the items or her home address if you prefer. I'm going to just buy her some milk. Every kid deserves an endless supply of milk and it just breaks my heart. These are tough times for everyone right now but even little gestures can mean a lot. She's not asking for hand outs and does not want anyone to spend their own money but if you have leftovers from your kids or have friends that do, please gather them up and let me know. I know I always had leftovers when my kids grew like weeds.
Thank you for taking the time to read this blog and for your love and support.
Here's to a better 2009!
Alisha Paige
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Monday, December 29, 2008
Grace, Gratitude, and Self-Reflection
I’ve been thinking about what I wrote yesterday. Hey, if it turns out I’m talking to myself—in this case thinking out loud on the internet—I know at least one person was listening…me :).
But what I came up with was we’re all in this experience of Life together. We’re all waiting for something, or going through something, or struggling with something, either personally, or with or through someone we love. Birth, death, marriage, divorce, job loss, mental illness, bureaucracy, depression, social indifference, feelings of inadequacy and or isolation, dysfunctional families, health scares, health crises, mechanical breakdowns, financial uncertainty…you name it.
My faith sharing group is meeting tonight at my house for a pot luck supper. We are a group of women who are committed to sharing our faith in God, and supporting each other, in good times and bad. In that small group sample alone, I think we are individually dealing with several combinations of the above situations. Multiply that by everyone we know, and it’s easy to see there is no one who comes through Life untried or unscathed.
So what can we do about it? My personal philosophy is to never point out a problem without offering a solution…otherwise it’s just complaining. So here goes. And while my solution may not work for you, I know it has done a great deal of good for me.
Several years ago Louis and I took a month-long course from the Todo Institute on self-reflection, during which we were introduced to the practice of Naikan. Naikan is about Gratitude, Grace, and the Japanese art of Self-Reflection. What’s really neat about Naikan, is that it not only makes you more aware of all you have to be grateful for and all the good you do, it makes you look at what you might do to improve the situation--even if you’re already doing a good job. If you’re not, it shows you how to improve your situation. But if you’re already doing a good job, it shows you how to do that good job better. A win-win situation for everyone.
Naikan asks you three questions:
What have I received from ___________?
What have I given to ____________?
What troubles and difficulties have I caused ____________?
Let’s use your mother as an example.
What have I received from my mother? Your answers as an adult or as a teen might be very different. You received shelter, clothing, food, and encouragement, for example. Or, if you didn’t, if your mother wasn’t available for you emotionally or physically, you learned how to be self-reliant. There are always ways to turn a negative into a positive :).
What have I given to my mother? The answers could be as varied as companionship, grocery shopping, lawn care, affection, financial assistance, a trip to somewhere or to see someone special, or grandchildren.
What troubles and difficulties have I caused my mother? These could include worry, anxiety, financial hardship, or social/emotional isolation if, for instance, she spent a lot of time with you and your siblings when you were little and never saw or spoke to another adult for days at a time.
The purpose of the exercise is not to make you feel guilty, but to help you feel gratitude for what you have been given, and to give you an awareness of what you have given in return, and what you can do to give more.
Or you can apply the three questions to a certain situation.
What have I received from my job/employer? Money, skills, a sense of accomplishment and purpose.
What have I given to my job/employer? The value of my time, my caring, my goodwill, my gifts and talents.
What troubles and difficulties have I caused my job/employer?
Troubles and difficulties don’t have to mean actual events, like screwing up a big presentation and causing your company to lose a client. They can mean something as simple as, “My being employed by this company causes them to have to pay social security taxes in my name, which lowers their profit margin.”
It’s not something you usually think about in this culture of entitlement we have.
But it’s there, and it’s an awareness thing. And again, it’s there to help you to find things to be grateful about, not feel guilty for. Be grateful that the business is going well enough for your employer to be able to shell out those extra dollars for your retirement.
In the case of a health crisis.
What have I received from my crisis? The gift of appreciating my life or my loved ones, or my health more. The ability to shift my priorities to what is important in my life.
What have I given to my crisis? My time and energy, that could have been spent elsewhere, but instead was spent on caring for my mind and body.
What troubles and difficulties have I caused my crisis? Perhaps I didn’t take my medication when I should have, or I didn’t change my diet like the doctor recommended, and now I don’t feel as well as I could be feeling.
The point of the last question is to show you where you can help to improve the situation, whatever the situation may be.
Using the example of my frustration over not being able to see my friend Louis when I want to:
What have I received from this situation? An appreciation of patience.
What have I given to this situation? Understanding and awareness.
What troubles and difficulties have I caused (or added to) this situation? I have placed undue burden on my friend, causing him anxiety over something over which he has no control.
See how it works? It helps you to pinpoint the problem, appreciate what you already have, and see what you might be able to do to make the situation a little better for everyone concerned.
So what have I received from my faith sharing group? Support, encouragement, love, hugs, understanding, companionship and good food.
What have I given to my faith sharing group? All of the above.
What troubles and difficulties have I caused the group? Sadness, anxiety, perhaps frustration by offering well-meant but misguided advice, perhaps hurt feelings by not being as empathetic or supportive as I could have been during times of trouble for others, and lack of consideration by not arriving at the meetings on time.
Right then and there, I came up with three things I could do to improve the situation, things I wasn’t even aware of until I stopped to think about them, while at the same time realizing all I have to be grateful for to the group, and all I have already offered the group (so that my sense of self-worth is not diminished by my mistakes.)
In the case with Louis, I have received love, support and encouragement as well. I have offered the same. But I have also caused him tension and anxiety, and undue stress.
Try it and see. You may be surprised at what you come up with.
And remember, there are no wrong answers. We’re all in this together.
But what I came up with was we’re all in this experience of Life together. We’re all waiting for something, or going through something, or struggling with something, either personally, or with or through someone we love. Birth, death, marriage, divorce, job loss, mental illness, bureaucracy, depression, social indifference, feelings of inadequacy and or isolation, dysfunctional families, health scares, health crises, mechanical breakdowns, financial uncertainty…you name it.
My faith sharing group is meeting tonight at my house for a pot luck supper. We are a group of women who are committed to sharing our faith in God, and supporting each other, in good times and bad. In that small group sample alone, I think we are individually dealing with several combinations of the above situations. Multiply that by everyone we know, and it’s easy to see there is no one who comes through Life untried or unscathed.
So what can we do about it? My personal philosophy is to never point out a problem without offering a solution…otherwise it’s just complaining. So here goes. And while my solution may not work for you, I know it has done a great deal of good for me.
Several years ago Louis and I took a month-long course from the Todo Institute on self-reflection, during which we were introduced to the practice of Naikan. Naikan is about Gratitude, Grace, and the Japanese art of Self-Reflection. What’s really neat about Naikan, is that it not only makes you more aware of all you have to be grateful for and all the good you do, it makes you look at what you might do to improve the situation--even if you’re already doing a good job. If you’re not, it shows you how to improve your situation. But if you’re already doing a good job, it shows you how to do that good job better. A win-win situation for everyone.
Naikan asks you three questions:
What have I received from ___________?
What have I given to ____________?
What troubles and difficulties have I caused ____________?
Let’s use your mother as an example.
What have I received from my mother? Your answers as an adult or as a teen might be very different. You received shelter, clothing, food, and encouragement, for example. Or, if you didn’t, if your mother wasn’t available for you emotionally or physically, you learned how to be self-reliant. There are always ways to turn a negative into a positive :).
What have I given to my mother? The answers could be as varied as companionship, grocery shopping, lawn care, affection, financial assistance, a trip to somewhere or to see someone special, or grandchildren.
What troubles and difficulties have I caused my mother? These could include worry, anxiety, financial hardship, or social/emotional isolation if, for instance, she spent a lot of time with you and your siblings when you were little and never saw or spoke to another adult for days at a time.
The purpose of the exercise is not to make you feel guilty, but to help you feel gratitude for what you have been given, and to give you an awareness of what you have given in return, and what you can do to give more.
Or you can apply the three questions to a certain situation.
What have I received from my job/employer? Money, skills, a sense of accomplishment and purpose.
What have I given to my job/employer? The value of my time, my caring, my goodwill, my gifts and talents.
What troubles and difficulties have I caused my job/employer?
Troubles and difficulties don’t have to mean actual events, like screwing up a big presentation and causing your company to lose a client. They can mean something as simple as, “My being employed by this company causes them to have to pay social security taxes in my name, which lowers their profit margin.”
It’s not something you usually think about in this culture of entitlement we have.
But it’s there, and it’s an awareness thing. And again, it’s there to help you to find things to be grateful about, not feel guilty for. Be grateful that the business is going well enough for your employer to be able to shell out those extra dollars for your retirement.
In the case of a health crisis.
What have I received from my crisis? The gift of appreciating my life or my loved ones, or my health more. The ability to shift my priorities to what is important in my life.
What have I given to my crisis? My time and energy, that could have been spent elsewhere, but instead was spent on caring for my mind and body.
What troubles and difficulties have I caused my crisis? Perhaps I didn’t take my medication when I should have, or I didn’t change my diet like the doctor recommended, and now I don’t feel as well as I could be feeling.
The point of the last question is to show you where you can help to improve the situation, whatever the situation may be.
Using the example of my frustration over not being able to see my friend Louis when I want to:
What have I received from this situation? An appreciation of patience.
What have I given to this situation? Understanding and awareness.
What troubles and difficulties have I caused (or added to) this situation? I have placed undue burden on my friend, causing him anxiety over something over which he has no control.
See how it works? It helps you to pinpoint the problem, appreciate what you already have, and see what you might be able to do to make the situation a little better for everyone concerned.
So what have I received from my faith sharing group? Support, encouragement, love, hugs, understanding, companionship and good food.
What have I given to my faith sharing group? All of the above.
What troubles and difficulties have I caused the group? Sadness, anxiety, perhaps frustration by offering well-meant but misguided advice, perhaps hurt feelings by not being as empathetic or supportive as I could have been during times of trouble for others, and lack of consideration by not arriving at the meetings on time.
Right then and there, I came up with three things I could do to improve the situation, things I wasn’t even aware of until I stopped to think about them, while at the same time realizing all I have to be grateful for to the group, and all I have already offered the group (so that my sense of self-worth is not diminished by my mistakes.)
In the case with Louis, I have received love, support and encouragement as well. I have offered the same. But I have also caused him tension and anxiety, and undue stress.
Try it and see. You may be surprised at what you come up with.
And remember, there are no wrong answers. We’re all in this together.
Sunday, December 28, 2008
Patience is Not Passive, Part Two
I got a letter from Louis yesterday that really opened my eyes. For the past several weeks, I have been getting more and more frustrated with this transfer thing. What is frustration but anger at something you can not have? Whenever I get frustrated, I stop and think, “Okay, what is between me and what I want to do?”
It can be as simple as a door or window sticking, and not opening properly, or as complicated as a government bureaucracy.
I want to see my friend. I want to talk to my friend. This is not happening. Why? Because DOC policy says they can hold him for up to 60 days pending a transfer, and he’s not causing any trouble where he is, so why not keep him there for as long as is allowed?
Works for everyone but me.
And I mean that. I seem to be the only person in this situation who feels like Louis has a life to get back to. But no…this week Louis has made me see that this is his life.
As I said, I was becoming more and more frustrated with each week’s delay. “Soon,” they would tell him, “Soon.” Every week was the same. I felt like they were trying to pacify him, and in turn, he was trying to pacify me.
Until I finally snapped and mentioned it on my blog. I miss my best friend, I said. Until then, I had been denying it, keeping it all inside.
I had been following his lead. His tough, stalwart, independent, alpha-male lead.
Finally I figured out what was happening, and I wrote to him and said, “You know, I think I could handle this a lot better if you didn’t act like this was normal, like this was business as usual.” Meaning, Like they’re not treating you like someone to be warehoused instead of a human being with people who care about you and want to spend time with you.
Really. I think we get more indignant on behalf of those we care about, than we do about ourselves.
The restrictions they have placed on him right now make it quite the challenge to see him. A one-hour visit. Him in handcuffs and a waistbelt. No food or drink allowed. No visits on weekends or holidays. The front desk insisting nobody but family can see him. See my blog, Patience is not Passive (November 7), and how I had to wait an hour to get in to see him, after driving five hours to get there. How they tried several times to turn me away. Last week, the exact same officer told Coach’s wife the same thing—family only. But I had told her they would try that, and she stood her ground. It took her 45 minutes to get in to see him.
In the past six months, I have seen him once, for one hour, and spoken to him four times on the phone for 15 minutes each. That’s all he gets, one 15-minute call a month—in Administrative Custody. I can see it in Disciplinary Custody, when you’re being punished for something, but when you’re there as a result of paperwork needing to be processed, and that paperwork is taking all the time it can take for any number of reasons…
You can see my frustration. So I finally admitted what my problem was. His denial that any of this was unusual. I missed my friend and I wanted him to commiserate with me, by God.
I should have known that wasn’t going to happen.
His answer was very enlightening. He said, this is normal for me. This is business as usual for me. I have been living like this for 31 years. I have been in much worse situations. One he specifically named was when he was in the hole after his escape attempt, 25 years ago. They had told him he would never get out of isolation again. Ever. He stayed in the hole for almost six years, being regularly interviewed and reviewed by the Program Review Committee, and being told the same thing over and over again. Not “Soon,” but “No.”
“At least,” he says, “I know this time I’ll eventually get out in population again. It’s just a matter of time.” “Back then,” he says, “I had no end in sight.”
And then he says to me, “You know how you feel about this situation? About me being in the hole? Well that’s how I feel about you and menopause. I just want to know when it’s going to be over.”
And—after I stopped totally cracking up—I mean, how on earth could he compare his situation to menopause??--it occurred to me…that what seems like insanity to me is totally normal to him, and what is normal to me--(moods that swing all over the place, a body that seems to have a mind of its own and enjoys being uncooperative, waking up in the middle of the night drenched in sweat over and over again)--is insanity to him.
It’s all a matter of perspective.
Louis wants his best friend back, too. The funny, easygoing woman he met six years ago. She seems to have disappeared, just like he has.
In short, the insanity I have to live with every day as a menopausal woman is normal for me. The insanity he has to live with every day as a ward of the state is normal for him.
Is the insanity you live with each day normal for you? Does it have to be? If it doesn’t, and you have a choice to change it, feel blessed. If you don’t have a choice to change it, then at least try to change your attitude about it. Because face it, we’re all waiting, either patiently or impatiently, for something in our lives to change or be resolved, be it a job situation, a health concern, a bureaucratic snafu, a financial setback, a relationship problem, either for ourselves, or for someone we love. That’s what life is all about. Caring and waiting and hoping for the best.
Louis’s attitude about his situation is a lot better than mine is. My attitude about my situation is a lot better than his is.
But he did make an interesting comment. “I’m just trying to get you through this,” he said, of his efforts to buck me up and make me more stoic and stalwart like him.
To which I ungraciously responded, “No, thank you. I like being the way I am. I like being able to express my feelings.”
But then he asked, quite calmly, “Why do I have to do not only my time, but yours, too?”
Meaning why does he have to carry the weight of my frustration?
I guess that’s what happens when you care about somebody.
But adding the weight of my frustration to his daily concerns is not caring. It’s being self-centered and immature. It’s I want what I want when I want it, and I want it now.
So. I am learning about patience and self-sufficiency, and he is learning how to think beyond himself and not be quite so self-contained. He’s at least trying to help me get past my frustration, offering me a hand up and out, instead of leaving me to wallow in it, while he soldiers on alone.
Who’s out there trying to give you a hand up? And are you willing to accept that help graciously, or would you rather go on complaining and feeling sorry for yourself? Would you really rather wallow in your impatience and frustration?
Whose burdens are you adding to by doing so?
Life is good. The help and lessons are there, if we but look for them.
It can be as simple as a door or window sticking, and not opening properly, or as complicated as a government bureaucracy.
I want to see my friend. I want to talk to my friend. This is not happening. Why? Because DOC policy says they can hold him for up to 60 days pending a transfer, and he’s not causing any trouble where he is, so why not keep him there for as long as is allowed?
Works for everyone but me.
And I mean that. I seem to be the only person in this situation who feels like Louis has a life to get back to. But no…this week Louis has made me see that this is his life.
As I said, I was becoming more and more frustrated with each week’s delay. “Soon,” they would tell him, “Soon.” Every week was the same. I felt like they were trying to pacify him, and in turn, he was trying to pacify me.
Until I finally snapped and mentioned it on my blog. I miss my best friend, I said. Until then, I had been denying it, keeping it all inside.
I had been following his lead. His tough, stalwart, independent, alpha-male lead.
Finally I figured out what was happening, and I wrote to him and said, “You know, I think I could handle this a lot better if you didn’t act like this was normal, like this was business as usual.” Meaning, Like they’re not treating you like someone to be warehoused instead of a human being with people who care about you and want to spend time with you.
Really. I think we get more indignant on behalf of those we care about, than we do about ourselves.
The restrictions they have placed on him right now make it quite the challenge to see him. A one-hour visit. Him in handcuffs and a waistbelt. No food or drink allowed. No visits on weekends or holidays. The front desk insisting nobody but family can see him. See my blog, Patience is not Passive (November 7), and how I had to wait an hour to get in to see him, after driving five hours to get there. How they tried several times to turn me away. Last week, the exact same officer told Coach’s wife the same thing—family only. But I had told her they would try that, and she stood her ground. It took her 45 minutes to get in to see him.
In the past six months, I have seen him once, for one hour, and spoken to him four times on the phone for 15 minutes each. That’s all he gets, one 15-minute call a month—in Administrative Custody. I can see it in Disciplinary Custody, when you’re being punished for something, but when you’re there as a result of paperwork needing to be processed, and that paperwork is taking all the time it can take for any number of reasons…
You can see my frustration. So I finally admitted what my problem was. His denial that any of this was unusual. I missed my friend and I wanted him to commiserate with me, by God.
I should have known that wasn’t going to happen.
His answer was very enlightening. He said, this is normal for me. This is business as usual for me. I have been living like this for 31 years. I have been in much worse situations. One he specifically named was when he was in the hole after his escape attempt, 25 years ago. They had told him he would never get out of isolation again. Ever. He stayed in the hole for almost six years, being regularly interviewed and reviewed by the Program Review Committee, and being told the same thing over and over again. Not “Soon,” but “No.”
“At least,” he says, “I know this time I’ll eventually get out in population again. It’s just a matter of time.” “Back then,” he says, “I had no end in sight.”
And then he says to me, “You know how you feel about this situation? About me being in the hole? Well that’s how I feel about you and menopause. I just want to know when it’s going to be over.”
And—after I stopped totally cracking up—I mean, how on earth could he compare his situation to menopause??--it occurred to me…that what seems like insanity to me is totally normal to him, and what is normal to me--(moods that swing all over the place, a body that seems to have a mind of its own and enjoys being uncooperative, waking up in the middle of the night drenched in sweat over and over again)--is insanity to him.
It’s all a matter of perspective.
Louis wants his best friend back, too. The funny, easygoing woman he met six years ago. She seems to have disappeared, just like he has.
In short, the insanity I have to live with every day as a menopausal woman is normal for me. The insanity he has to live with every day as a ward of the state is normal for him.
Is the insanity you live with each day normal for you? Does it have to be? If it doesn’t, and you have a choice to change it, feel blessed. If you don’t have a choice to change it, then at least try to change your attitude about it. Because face it, we’re all waiting, either patiently or impatiently, for something in our lives to change or be resolved, be it a job situation, a health concern, a bureaucratic snafu, a financial setback, a relationship problem, either for ourselves, or for someone we love. That’s what life is all about. Caring and waiting and hoping for the best.
Louis’s attitude about his situation is a lot better than mine is. My attitude about my situation is a lot better than his is.
But he did make an interesting comment. “I’m just trying to get you through this,” he said, of his efforts to buck me up and make me more stoic and stalwart like him.
To which I ungraciously responded, “No, thank you. I like being the way I am. I like being able to express my feelings.”
But then he asked, quite calmly, “Why do I have to do not only my time, but yours, too?”
Meaning why does he have to carry the weight of my frustration?
I guess that’s what happens when you care about somebody.
But adding the weight of my frustration to his daily concerns is not caring. It’s being self-centered and immature. It’s I want what I want when I want it, and I want it now.
So. I am learning about patience and self-sufficiency, and he is learning how to think beyond himself and not be quite so self-contained. He’s at least trying to help me get past my frustration, offering me a hand up and out, instead of leaving me to wallow in it, while he soldiers on alone.
Who’s out there trying to give you a hand up? And are you willing to accept that help graciously, or would you rather go on complaining and feeling sorry for yourself? Would you really rather wallow in your impatience and frustration?
Whose burdens are you adding to by doing so?
Life is good. The help and lessons are there, if we but look for them.
Saturday, December 27, 2008
Merry Christmas Darling(s)
Greeting cards have all been sent
The Christmas rush is through
But I still have one wish to make
A special one for you
Merry Christmas Darling
We’re apart that’s true
But I can dream
And in my dreams
I’m Christmasing with you
Holidays are joyful
There’s always something new
But every day’s a holiday
When I’m near to you
The lights on my tree
I wish you could see
I wish it every day
Logs on the fire
Fill me with desire
To see you and to say
That I wish you Merry Christmas
Happy New Year too
I’ve just one wish on this Christmas Eve
I wish I were with you
Recently I participated in a Christmas Ride blog with 26 other Wild Rose Press Authors. What you had to do, (and actually, still have time to do for the grand prize) was/is go to a different blog each day and guess the Christmas Carol of the day to win prizes and create your list of songs for the grand prize, a $75 Gift Certificate to The Wild Rose Press. (see my blog entry December 23)
My first choice was O Come, O Come Emmanuel, my absolute favorite, but then I saw we were using contemporary songs as well, and I chose Merry Christmas Darling, by the Carpenters.
I chose it for two reasons, one, because I wanted to blog about Christmas cards, and how and why I don’t send them out before Christmas Eve, and two, because it came out when I was in junior high school, and my dog, my best friend and playmate that I’d had since I was 4 or 5, died when I was in high school. I missed her terribly. Until we moved, I would go to her grave on Christmas Eve and sing this song to her and leave her a hand-made wreath.
It wasn’t until after I posted the Christmas Ride blog and really looked at the lyrics again, that I realized they could also apply to my current best friend, who, fortunately, is alive and well, just locked up in solitary at the moment. He did, however, get special permission to call me on Christmas Eve, and we had a nice chat.
If you’ll recall, last week I finally admitted I was missing him. I also said I read an article in the Human Kindness Foundation newsletter that said missing someone is selfish. We should be sending those we miss thoughts of love and peace and well-being instead of focusing on the lack of them in our lives. The next day, I received an Open Heart Rosary from the Chapel of the Holy Cross as a Christmas gift. I blogged about that, too, on Sunday the 21st.
Between the two of them, the article and the Rosary, I was able to turn my attitude of frustration around completely, and approach the situation in a less-self absorbed, more helpful manner.
So when Louis calls on Christmas Eve, he says to me, “I don’t understand it, but I’ve never felt so much at peace as I do right now.”
Proof positive prayer works.
I said to him, “If you’re happy, I’m happy.” He says to me, “No, that’s not how it works. If you’re unhappy, I’m unhappy.”
Which is also true. He can’t stand for me to be unhappy. For some reason, he always feels responsible. I can’t seem to get him to accept that he is not responsible for my happiness. I am the one and only person responsible for my happiness. My attitude is responsible for my happiness, and that alone.
Some days I do forget this—can you say PMS?--so it’s only natural he gets confused at times by my hormonally-charged mixed signals. But for the most part, I believe we are all responsible for our own individual happiness, and that that happiness comes from within.
So I said to him, “Well I’m happy, so you can (relax and) be happy, and I can be happy that you’re happy.”
That said, we had a very happy Christmas :). I spent my down time between Mass and friends coming over to eat writing—what else??—Christmas cards! Remembering friends and taking time out to write a special note to each.
For the first time in years, I think I will actually be able to get them all sent out during the Twelve Days of Christmas. Woo hoo! That’s starting the new year out right :).
Merry Christmas, Darlings. Thank you for being part of my Journey. Happy New Year, too.
The Christmas rush is through
But I still have one wish to make
A special one for you
Merry Christmas Darling
We’re apart that’s true
But I can dream
And in my dreams
I’m Christmasing with you
Holidays are joyful
There’s always something new
But every day’s a holiday
When I’m near to you
The lights on my tree
I wish you could see
I wish it every day
Logs on the fire
Fill me with desire
To see you and to say
That I wish you Merry Christmas
Happy New Year too
I’ve just one wish on this Christmas Eve
I wish I were with you
Recently I participated in a Christmas Ride blog with 26 other Wild Rose Press Authors. What you had to do, (and actually, still have time to do for the grand prize) was/is go to a different blog each day and guess the Christmas Carol of the day to win prizes and create your list of songs for the grand prize, a $75 Gift Certificate to The Wild Rose Press. (see my blog entry December 23)
My first choice was O Come, O Come Emmanuel, my absolute favorite, but then I saw we were using contemporary songs as well, and I chose Merry Christmas Darling, by the Carpenters.
I chose it for two reasons, one, because I wanted to blog about Christmas cards, and how and why I don’t send them out before Christmas Eve, and two, because it came out when I was in junior high school, and my dog, my best friend and playmate that I’d had since I was 4 or 5, died when I was in high school. I missed her terribly. Until we moved, I would go to her grave on Christmas Eve and sing this song to her and leave her a hand-made wreath.
It wasn’t until after I posted the Christmas Ride blog and really looked at the lyrics again, that I realized they could also apply to my current best friend, who, fortunately, is alive and well, just locked up in solitary at the moment. He did, however, get special permission to call me on Christmas Eve, and we had a nice chat.
If you’ll recall, last week I finally admitted I was missing him. I also said I read an article in the Human Kindness Foundation newsletter that said missing someone is selfish. We should be sending those we miss thoughts of love and peace and well-being instead of focusing on the lack of them in our lives. The next day, I received an Open Heart Rosary from the Chapel of the Holy Cross as a Christmas gift. I blogged about that, too, on Sunday the 21st.
Between the two of them, the article and the Rosary, I was able to turn my attitude of frustration around completely, and approach the situation in a less-self absorbed, more helpful manner.
So when Louis calls on Christmas Eve, he says to me, “I don’t understand it, but I’ve never felt so much at peace as I do right now.”
Proof positive prayer works.
I said to him, “If you’re happy, I’m happy.” He says to me, “No, that’s not how it works. If you’re unhappy, I’m unhappy.”
Which is also true. He can’t stand for me to be unhappy. For some reason, he always feels responsible. I can’t seem to get him to accept that he is not responsible for my happiness. I am the one and only person responsible for my happiness. My attitude is responsible for my happiness, and that alone.
Some days I do forget this—can you say PMS?--so it’s only natural he gets confused at times by my hormonally-charged mixed signals. But for the most part, I believe we are all responsible for our own individual happiness, and that that happiness comes from within.
So I said to him, “Well I’m happy, so you can (relax and) be happy, and I can be happy that you’re happy.”
That said, we had a very happy Christmas :). I spent my down time between Mass and friends coming over to eat writing—what else??—Christmas cards! Remembering friends and taking time out to write a special note to each.
For the first time in years, I think I will actually be able to get them all sent out during the Twelve Days of Christmas. Woo hoo! That’s starting the new year out right :).
Merry Christmas, Darlings. Thank you for being part of my Journey. Happy New Year, too.
Friday, December 26, 2008
Fridays With Louis
Still no word on the transfer other than "soon" and he seems to think he's coming my way. Which would be a very nice Christmas present. More on our Christmas Eve chat tomorrow. Today is for Letters to Laura.
December 27
Dear Laura,
It’s been a long day. Coach and his wife visited today. I was called to come to the visiting room when they got here but it took staff three hours to clear the noon count. Which means I couldn’t leave my cell for three hours. So my visitors had to wait for me.
Still, the visit was good. I’m blessed to have such loyal friends. So I do have faith in a few people, but most of my faith is in myself. It’s how I survive.
And you might not think so, but you are funny, Laura. You might not tell jokes, but you’ve made me smile several times--which is no easy feat in here, where hardly anyone ever smiles.
I’m serious. Try saying good morning to someone. A mild version of what you’ll get back is “What’s so f------ good about it? I’m in f------ prison.” So most people don’t even bother. Not to mention that just looking at someone the wrong way can cause problems. It’s sad to think a smile can be so dangerous.
I’m tired and need to relax. Thanks again for your card and letter.
Happy New Year,
Louis
Chapter Three
A Medical Merry Go Round
January 1, 2001
Dear Laura,
Just a note to say hello. I’m watching bowl games all day.
Please don’t get upset with my non-response to your faith letters, Laura. It’s not personal. I wish I were different. I wish I could give all my problems over to someone else. Life would be a lot easier. But I did read the information you sent. If I were in the hole I’d analyze it more and give you detailed responses. But you know I run a business here and that keeps me busy along with my clerking job.
I’ll catch you later. The shortness of this note is no reflection on you.
Sincerely,
Louis
January 4
Dear Laura,
Thanks for your note. I’ll gladly accept any help from the Pennsylvania Prison Society. I have a stack of paperwork to show them how the medical department has stalled treatment on my torn shoulder ligaments for nine months now, not to mention a problem with bone spurs in my knee they won’t even address. Would you send me their address? Thanks a lot!
Sincerely,
Louis
January 5
Dear Laura,
I received your unusually long letter today. You’re perfectly free to talk of your faith. I learn a lot about you in your letters. I just don’t want you pushing your faith on me.
I wish you would read The Criminal Personality by Samenow, Volume 1. It would really help you understand us criminals better.
I haven’t written to Mary yet. Mentally I’ve drafted a letter to her youth offenders, but I need to put it on paper.
I’m sorry to hear you’re in so much pain. For years my back hurt, same area as yours, but since I stopped stretching a few years ago my back pain has mostly gone away. I can’t show off any more, doing full martial arts splits and other martial arts stuff, but I feel better overall. Healthier.
The human body is amazing, which casts doubt on my non-belief in God when I allow it to.
But to answer your question, I tore up my right knee and both shoulders on the handball court last April. The next day I lifted and put the finishing touches on my shoulders. I found out yesterday I’m seeing the surgeon this month, but my operations will be at least another month away.
When I was in Camp Hill, they tried to make me use return addresses and I ignored them. No one who writes to me uses return addresses except you. I wish you’d stop.
Listen, Laura, you’re a nice person, and I like you as a friend. So you won’t be getting get any sexual fantasy letters from me, like you have in the past from inmates who misunderstood your intentions. It just isn’t going to happen with me. So relax, okay?
Yeah, I cry sometimes. Like when I watch certain movies, or shows on TV. In life, I turn my emotions off, but crying over something I see on television allows me to know I’m still human.
I also cry sometimes when I read the paper--like when I read about people who fight for causes, or athletes who play for a dead parent or sick sibling or coach.
Some men are afraid to cry. I was for years, but through a lot of self-reflection, I’ve chipped away at my insecurities. I’m no longer afraid to show my soft side. My feminine side. Carl Jung wrote of this, calling the woman in man the anima, the man in the woman the animus.
We all have both inside us, but not all of us recognize it. Some people, men and women, would rather die than admit to it. Guys in here especially don’t want to admit to having any feminine- type feelings. What they don’t realize is they’re denying an important part of themselves. The part that brings them balance.
I’ll catch you later. I’m going to sleep. Write when you can. I enjoy hearing from you.
Sincerely,
Louis
December 27
Dear Laura,
It’s been a long day. Coach and his wife visited today. I was called to come to the visiting room when they got here but it took staff three hours to clear the noon count. Which means I couldn’t leave my cell for three hours. So my visitors had to wait for me.
Still, the visit was good. I’m blessed to have such loyal friends. So I do have faith in a few people, but most of my faith is in myself. It’s how I survive.
And you might not think so, but you are funny, Laura. You might not tell jokes, but you’ve made me smile several times--which is no easy feat in here, where hardly anyone ever smiles.
I’m serious. Try saying good morning to someone. A mild version of what you’ll get back is “What’s so f------ good about it? I’m in f------ prison.” So most people don’t even bother. Not to mention that just looking at someone the wrong way can cause problems. It’s sad to think a smile can be so dangerous.
I’m tired and need to relax. Thanks again for your card and letter.
Happy New Year,
Louis
Chapter Three
A Medical Merry Go Round
January 1, 2001
Dear Laura,
Just a note to say hello. I’m watching bowl games all day.
Please don’t get upset with my non-response to your faith letters, Laura. It’s not personal. I wish I were different. I wish I could give all my problems over to someone else. Life would be a lot easier. But I did read the information you sent. If I were in the hole I’d analyze it more and give you detailed responses. But you know I run a business here and that keeps me busy along with my clerking job.
I’ll catch you later. The shortness of this note is no reflection on you.
Sincerely,
Louis
January 4
Dear Laura,
Thanks for your note. I’ll gladly accept any help from the Pennsylvania Prison Society. I have a stack of paperwork to show them how the medical department has stalled treatment on my torn shoulder ligaments for nine months now, not to mention a problem with bone spurs in my knee they won’t even address. Would you send me their address? Thanks a lot!
Sincerely,
Louis
January 5
Dear Laura,
I received your unusually long letter today. You’re perfectly free to talk of your faith. I learn a lot about you in your letters. I just don’t want you pushing your faith on me.
I wish you would read The Criminal Personality by Samenow, Volume 1. It would really help you understand us criminals better.
I haven’t written to Mary yet. Mentally I’ve drafted a letter to her youth offenders, but I need to put it on paper.
I’m sorry to hear you’re in so much pain. For years my back hurt, same area as yours, but since I stopped stretching a few years ago my back pain has mostly gone away. I can’t show off any more, doing full martial arts splits and other martial arts stuff, but I feel better overall. Healthier.
The human body is amazing, which casts doubt on my non-belief in God when I allow it to.
But to answer your question, I tore up my right knee and both shoulders on the handball court last April. The next day I lifted and put the finishing touches on my shoulders. I found out yesterday I’m seeing the surgeon this month, but my operations will be at least another month away.
When I was in Camp Hill, they tried to make me use return addresses and I ignored them. No one who writes to me uses return addresses except you. I wish you’d stop.
Listen, Laura, you’re a nice person, and I like you as a friend. So you won’t be getting get any sexual fantasy letters from me, like you have in the past from inmates who misunderstood your intentions. It just isn’t going to happen with me. So relax, okay?
Yeah, I cry sometimes. Like when I watch certain movies, or shows on TV. In life, I turn my emotions off, but crying over something I see on television allows me to know I’m still human.
I also cry sometimes when I read the paper--like when I read about people who fight for causes, or athletes who play for a dead parent or sick sibling or coach.
Some men are afraid to cry. I was for years, but through a lot of self-reflection, I’ve chipped away at my insecurities. I’m no longer afraid to show my soft side. My feminine side. Carl Jung wrote of this, calling the woman in man the anima, the man in the woman the animus.
We all have both inside us, but not all of us recognize it. Some people, men and women, would rather die than admit to it. Guys in here especially don’t want to admit to having any feminine- type feelings. What they don’t realize is they’re denying an important part of themselves. The part that brings them balance.
I’ll catch you later. I’m going to sleep. Write when you can. I enjoy hearing from you.
Sincerely,
Louis
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Christmas Ride Blog Contest
Greeting cards have all been sent
The Christmas rush is through
But I still have one wish to make
A special one for you
Well, my greeting cards have not been sent, because I’ve always believed Christmas doesn’t start until Christmas Eve, and so my goal is to send out the cards during the twelve days of Christmas. When I’m on top of my game, which I have been on occasion, they go into the mail on Christmas Eve. Other times, however, that has stretched into February, because I like to write a little note at the bottom of each holiday letter.
Yes, I do a letter. I’m a writer. You think I could pass up an opportunity to write something? If a stamp is going on an envelope, a letter is going to be in there. And if I don’t have time to write a letter, the cards don’t go out until or unless I do. I’m quirky that way.
The good news is I got my letter done yesterday, which means I am on time this year for that part of it, at least. Last year I didn’t get one done at all, so no cards went out. The year before that, same deal…so what did I do? I sent the letters, sans cards, out in July. Christmas in July. So if you’re on my list, you know that eventually, you will hear from me :).
The lyrics to the song above are a clue in the Christmas Ride Blog contest, being sponsored by 27 Wild Rose Press authors. Since November 30, people have been visiting the Christmas Ride Blog sites and collecting clues. Prizes were awarded each day, which means I’d better offer one up. Okay, an autographed copy of Jake’s Return is up for grabs to one lucky commenter today. Just log in and say hello, and I’ll announce the winner in the next couple of days. Merry Christmas, ho ho ho! A little something to read while you’re off work :).
But to win the really big prize, a $75 gift certificate to The Wild Rose Press, you need to visit all the Christmas Ride blogs, starting with P.L. Parker’s blogspot, and guess all the Christmas songs. P.L. will then direct you to the next blogspot to visit, right until you come back here, and then, from here, tomorrow you go to the last one on the Ride, Skhye Moncrief’s blogspot.
Just to make it easy for those who have been on the Ride all along, you came from
Dayana Knight’s blogspot to here, and tomorrow you’ll go to Skyhe Moncrief’s.
After you have collected the names of all the Christmas songs, send your list via email to Christmasrideblog@live.com by midnight, CST Dec. 31st 2008!
Good luck and Happy Caroling!
The Christmas rush is through
But I still have one wish to make
A special one for you
Well, my greeting cards have not been sent, because I’ve always believed Christmas doesn’t start until Christmas Eve, and so my goal is to send out the cards during the twelve days of Christmas. When I’m on top of my game, which I have been on occasion, they go into the mail on Christmas Eve. Other times, however, that has stretched into February, because I like to write a little note at the bottom of each holiday letter.
Yes, I do a letter. I’m a writer. You think I could pass up an opportunity to write something? If a stamp is going on an envelope, a letter is going to be in there. And if I don’t have time to write a letter, the cards don’t go out until or unless I do. I’m quirky that way.
The good news is I got my letter done yesterday, which means I am on time this year for that part of it, at least. Last year I didn’t get one done at all, so no cards went out. The year before that, same deal…so what did I do? I sent the letters, sans cards, out in July. Christmas in July. So if you’re on my list, you know that eventually, you will hear from me :).
The lyrics to the song above are a clue in the Christmas Ride Blog contest, being sponsored by 27 Wild Rose Press authors. Since November 30, people have been visiting the Christmas Ride Blog sites and collecting clues. Prizes were awarded each day, which means I’d better offer one up. Okay, an autographed copy of Jake’s Return is up for grabs to one lucky commenter today. Just log in and say hello, and I’ll announce the winner in the next couple of days. Merry Christmas, ho ho ho! A little something to read while you’re off work :).
But to win the really big prize, a $75 gift certificate to The Wild Rose Press, you need to visit all the Christmas Ride blogs, starting with P.L. Parker’s blogspot, and guess all the Christmas songs. P.L. will then direct you to the next blogspot to visit, right until you come back here, and then, from here, tomorrow you go to the last one on the Ride, Skhye Moncrief’s blogspot.
Just to make it easy for those who have been on the Ride all along, you came from
Dayana Knight’s blogspot to here, and tomorrow you’ll go to Skyhe Moncrief’s.
After you have collected the names of all the Christmas songs, send your list via email to Christmasrideblog@live.com by midnight, CST Dec. 31st 2008!
Good luck and Happy Caroling!
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Sunday's Inspirational Quote
When I'm trusting and being myself as fully as possible, everything in my life reflects this by falling into place easily, often miraculously.
~Shakti Gawain, best-selling author and teacher in the field of personal growth.
I got a wonderful Christmas gift yesterday. An Open Heart Rosary. Most of you know I participate in a faith-sharing group once a week, and a big part of our discussions lately have revolved around letting go and letting God, learning to be patient, practicing gratitude, and learning to be comfortable with uncertainty. Each week we state what our action in a certain area we feel we need to work on will be, and the following week we report our accountability as to how well we did or didn't do.
Well, mine this week was praying for the grace to have peace about this whole uncertain situation with Louis--and several other unsettled areas in my life. I want to have peace 24/7. I've had it before, and I want it back. Having had it before, I know it's a good thing. The intention is there, I listen to motivational tapes all the time, and sometimes I hit the zone, and it is good...but lately...I just can't seem to stay there. Lately, I'll give it all up to God, and gladly, but then, without warning, I'll snatch it all back again.
So that's my goal for the week, and I have no idea how I'm going to accomplish it. At the meeting I said, "I'm sure a way will present itself."
And yesterday it did. This lovely rosary, a gift from a friend who bought it for me while on vacation in Sedona, is the perfect tool for doing just what I said I wanted to do. She got it at the Chapel of the Holy Cross.
You can use whatever prayers you're most comfortable with, but the Open Heart Rosary also includes a prayer to open your heart, a prayer for letting go of old ways of thinking and creating an opening to surrender to God's will. You also say the Serenity prayer, and then the Our Father, and then meditate on your intention for the day.
I can't wait to take it to my next meeting and show it around.
In closing, I just want to give thanks for the many prayers that have been answered this week for friends and family, and for a God who knows what we need, when we need it, even when we have no idea what it is we need, ourselves.
Take care and have a blessed, blessed holiday.
~Shakti Gawain, best-selling author and teacher in the field of personal growth.
I got a wonderful Christmas gift yesterday. An Open Heart Rosary. Most of you know I participate in a faith-sharing group once a week, and a big part of our discussions lately have revolved around letting go and letting God, learning to be patient, practicing gratitude, and learning to be comfortable with uncertainty. Each week we state what our action in a certain area we feel we need to work on will be, and the following week we report our accountability as to how well we did or didn't do.
Well, mine this week was praying for the grace to have peace about this whole uncertain situation with Louis--and several other unsettled areas in my life. I want to have peace 24/7. I've had it before, and I want it back. Having had it before, I know it's a good thing. The intention is there, I listen to motivational tapes all the time, and sometimes I hit the zone, and it is good...but lately...I just can't seem to stay there. Lately, I'll give it all up to God, and gladly, but then, without warning, I'll snatch it all back again.
So that's my goal for the week, and I have no idea how I'm going to accomplish it. At the meeting I said, "I'm sure a way will present itself."
And yesterday it did. This lovely rosary, a gift from a friend who bought it for me while on vacation in Sedona, is the perfect tool for doing just what I said I wanted to do. She got it at the Chapel of the Holy Cross.
You can use whatever prayers you're most comfortable with, but the Open Heart Rosary also includes a prayer to open your heart, a prayer for letting go of old ways of thinking and creating an opening to surrender to God's will. You also say the Serenity prayer, and then the Our Father, and then meditate on your intention for the day.
I can't wait to take it to my next meeting and show it around.
In closing, I just want to give thanks for the many prayers that have been answered this week for friends and family, and for a God who knows what we need, when we need it, even when we have no idea what it is we need, ourselves.
Take care and have a blessed, blessed holiday.
Friday, December 19, 2008
Fridays With Louis
Finally, a Friday post on a Friday! It feels good to get back on track :). At least in one respect. Another week gone by, and still no news on the transfer. I’ll be honest with you. I miss my best friend. I miss seeing him, talking to him, and most of all, laughing with him. I don’t think anybody in that visiting room laughs as much as we do. The kind of laughing where you just crack up and people stare, wondering what’s so damn funny, we’re in a prison, for God’s sake. But people in prison need to laugh too, just as much as the rest of us, and so laugh we do, whenever we get the chance. When he called a couple of weeks ago, we probably spent the whole time laughing. If we didn't, I don't recall. It's the laughter I remember.
It’s no secret Louis is my sounding board for the challenges we all face. I miss that unique perspective he has on life that always seems to show me there is a different way. It’s been a busy six months for me. A lot of stuff has happened, good and not so good, and I’m ready to unload on the poor guy. Totally selfish, I know. I was reading a newsletter last night from the Human Kindness Foundation that said that missing someone is selfish, and I agree. I should be praying for him, instead. Sending him love and peace (God knows he needs it in that environment) and blessings. He’s the one locked up and isolated during this time when families come together to celebrate the season, not me. I can still celebrate with friends and family. I can pick up the phone any time of the day and call someone just to chat. I’ve got email :).
Speaking of which, I got an email this morning from a friend who has a friend who was supposed to get married in February and found her fiancé dead of an embolism, which is just another reminder of how fragile and precious life is. We need to find ways to make each day count, to celebrate in some special way.
So this week I will focus on gratitude that my best friend remains alive and healthy, that the postal system works, and that he has some good books to read over the holidays--and so do I. I picked one up from the library that he recommended just yesterday. Milk in My Coffee, by Eric Jerome Dickey. He got it from someone in a nearby cell and said the funny, feisty heroine in it reminded him of me. Of course I had to check it out to see what he's talking about. The heroine is an artist, and I can already see the temperamental similarities :). But she's also a New Yorker, and got more chutzpah than I could ever imagine having. Maybe I'll learn a little something, reading it...
Another bit of good news is he got a visit on Monday, from Coach’s wife, who wanted to see him before he was transferred, but was having trouble getting there due to dicey weather and babysitting schedules—she’s a grandma, so you know how that goes :).
But she got to see him and left a message on my cell phone afterward, saying if he’s still there the day after Christmas, Coach will be up to see him. His sister also called, wondering if he had moved yet, because she was in the area and wanted to see him. Unfortunately, she was in the wrong area, but the sentiment was there. (He had told her in a letter he might be moving to a prison near where she was that day, one of eight possible locations he's mentioned over the past few months.) And yesterday I got an email from another friend wanting to know where she should send his Christmas card.
The only word he keeps hearing is “soon.” But next week is Christmas, and I can’t imagine anybody wanting to make that kind of trip so close to the holidays, so I’m looking forward to good news and the opportunity to laugh with my friend again in the new year.
In the meantime, here’s more of Letters to Laura:
December 18, 2001
Dear Laura,
Now you can see why I usually type my letters. My handwriting is terrible but I don’t care. I’m too busy to write neater.
Thank you for the Christmas card. Do I send out Christmas cards? You have to admit there is more evidence for Santa than you know who!
Merry Christmas,
Louis
December 20
Dear Laura,
I’m watching the game, but I feel like talking, so here goes. I realize you’re busy with the holidays, so don’t sweat writing back. When you have time, I’ll be here.
You can check your local paper about my hostage case. I was on the front page of most papers across the country. Governor T said on TV that people like me should never be allowed in population again. My partner was from your area so the write-ups were probably more about him than me.
Listen, I appreciate your concerns about my faith, but I’ve heard it all many times over. Maybe one day I’ll be ready to accept God into my life, but not now. Your letters are great, very insightful, but please let the God bit go. I’m sorry if you feel strongly about this subject, but I won’t even fake it with you that I believe. Please accept my friendship as I am. Thanks.
And I always answer mail whether I like what you write or not, so if you don’t hear from me it’s because I didn’t get it. That happens in here now and again.
Your night-time talk with your son sounds sweet and special. It makes me sad that I missed doing that with my son. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I’d be here for 23 years and counting. I always figured someone would tell the truth and I’d be set free.
I have a visit coming tomorrow. A friend’s mom lives in Philly and visits occasionally. Next week my football coach from high school and his wife will be here. My sister and a couple other people will visit soon, too.
Yesterday I got a holiday package; 36 bagels with cream cheese, a turkey deli box, cannolis, different types of cheese and sticky buns. I always eat well in population.
All right, Laura. I’ll catch you later. My best to your son. Thank you for your friendship.
Merry Christmas,
Louis
December 26
Dear Laura,
I liked your card with the dove on it. Thank you. You sent me a Christmas card, too, which reminds me, please don’t send any more cards. I appreciate them, but I don’t save mail. After I answer mail I flush it, so don’t waste your money.
Also would you please stop putting your return address on my mail? Once in a while mail gets mis-delivered and I wouldn’t want someone writing to you. I’d have to hurt them. I tell everyone who writes to me the same thing.
You already know me too well. You wrote you wanted to send as much religious literature as possible before I asked you to stop. Our letters crossed in the mail.
It really spooks me out when I’m in tune with someone so far away. Then I do believe in a higher power.
I’m sorry I didn’t respond to all of your literature. I’m really pressed for time. I work for my Unit Manager so my days are filled with clerical work. The first job I’ve had in prison that I like.
Did you get your book from Mary? She said she sent it to you.
I wish I could believe in God and at times in my heart I do have that warm, peaceful feeling you described, but it subsides real fast. I’m sorry I’m an agnostic, but I am a realist.
Enough of that.
Marion changed my life forever. I haven’t had a headache since I left in 1984. Nothing since has come close to the fear and paranoia level I felt there. Once you surpass a certain level of any emotion, anything less has little effect on you. At least that’s what happened to me.
Here’s just one story about Marion. This was the day two convicts killed two guards and stabbed three others in two separate incidents. One guard was killed by one convict, and another convict killed a guard and stabbed three others. In between all of this, a convict on D Unit was stabbed to death.
Funny, but in all the articles I read about the lockdown that followed, no one ever mentioned the convict that was killed. That happens a lot in prison. Convicts get killed, or kill themselves, and it’s just business as usual. No one ever hears about it except maybe their families. I’ve heard it said that we’re considered the living dead.
Anyway, at the time of the killings I was locked on F Unit, the side that faced the hospital. I saw the convict being carried into the hospital, then I saw the guards breaking for H unit. I saw the blue shirts on the stretchers, going into the hospital. Prisoners were cheering. “We got one in blue! We got one in blue! Here comes another one!”
Four guards came out of H Unit on stretchers that day.
I was the youngest prisoner there at the time and the lockdown probably saved my life. Generally you had to be 30 to be sent to Marion. I was 26. I spent 11 months there after my escape attempt.
The violence at Marion was unreal. You never knew when you were going to be ambushed. The level of fear and paranoia was sky high, and the administration liked it that way. It made us easier to control. They deliberately kept the blacks, whites and Mexicans all paranoid of each other. One convict who went through their control unit—which was basically designed to be a prison within a prison--wrote a paper on it called Breaking Men’s Minds: Human Experimentation at the Federal Prison in Marion, Illinois. The stuff he wrote about would blow your mind.
I once saw a convict get stabbed because before he locked into his cell the night before, he tilted the fan more in his direction than his neighbor’s. He went to chow the next morning, and to go to chow we had to walk through a metal detector, so his neighbor knew he didn’t have a weapon when he came out.
It’s the wolves in any situation who are the most paranoid. I never realized this until I read it in Dr. Samenow’s books, but I can relate. As King Wolf, I had to continuously watch my back. In 1989 I was sick with Hepatitis B from steroid abuse. I’d lost 40 pounds and was feeling weak. I still cut a business competitor’s throat. The night before, he and his crew tried to extort me.
I told no one. But I stayed up all night, thinking. . .and waiting.
First chance I got in the morning, I gave him my answer—55 stitches. I did 21 months in the hole for it and consider myself lucky. An assault by a lifer carries life. The state prosecuted me, using guards who hadn’t seen anything to testify against me—something that happens regularly in prison, guards who never saw anything testifying against inmates--so I told the man’s homies he was telling on me. They made him sign an affidavit saying I didn’t do it. That way if he changed his story, he’d have been brought up on charges of perjury. I used the affidavit in court and the case was dismissed.
The bottom line is in prison there will always be someone to test you, no matter how bad your rep is.
My friend Mary does workshops on fear. I’ve helped her write workshops for people who stutter on Fear, Fluency and Feelings. Today she asked me to write to a group of youth offenders she sees once a week. Believe it or not, youth offenders—or offenders of any age--have a lot in common with people who stutter. For one, most offenders don’t have a strong sense of themselves as individuals, even if they pretend they do. How else do you explain the gang mentality? Both people who stutter and criminals tend to have a rigid and narrow self-image. Usually with the criminal it’s “I’m bad, so what do you expect of me?”
And whether they like to admit it or not, both groups see themselves as victims. Remember Sheehan’s Giant in Chains complex? If only this or that hadn’t happened to me, I would be healthier, happier, wealthier, free. Offenders always have a ready excuse for why they get in trouble.
So you can’t attack the stuttering, you have to change your self-image. And once your self-awareness and self-confidence grows, the stutter usually fades.
I was what is called a covert stutterer. No one knew I stuttered because I hid it so well. How? By lying. Happens all the time. I know of a man who was able to keep his wife from knowing he stuttered for years. In many cases, it’s a matter of how comfortable you feel with the person you’re with. Chances are if they know you stutter and don’t care that you do, you won’t.
So if someone stutters openly he’s considered an overt stutterer, but many overt stutterers also lie, simply to avoid words we literally can not say.
In short, the embarrassment of stuttering is often more painful than that of getting caught in a lie. I’m sorry to say that’s a big part of why I’m still in prison. I lied on the witness stand to conceal my stutter. I convicted myself. I was young, stupid and too embarrassed to admit to anyone that I stuttered.
But back to your letter. I’ve been meditating for years. When I was in the hole in the 80s I loved to be out in the frozen yard by myself. There was so much peace out there and I’ve always liked the cold. I used to run in the freezing rain and loved it.
I’ve noticed a lot of inmates appear to enjoy solitary. I’ve seen them get themselves regularly locked up for 30, 60 or 90 days. Instead of placing themselves in Administrative Custody, which is considered socially embarrassing, they act tough and get locked up, so everyone will think they’re bad dudes.
But the real reason they get themselves locked up is to feel safe in solitary.
Thank you for writing and yes, I’m interested in writing a book, but I need help. Your help!
Sincerely,
Louis
It’s no secret Louis is my sounding board for the challenges we all face. I miss that unique perspective he has on life that always seems to show me there is a different way. It’s been a busy six months for me. A lot of stuff has happened, good and not so good, and I’m ready to unload on the poor guy. Totally selfish, I know. I was reading a newsletter last night from the Human Kindness Foundation that said that missing someone is selfish, and I agree. I should be praying for him, instead. Sending him love and peace (God knows he needs it in that environment) and blessings. He’s the one locked up and isolated during this time when families come together to celebrate the season, not me. I can still celebrate with friends and family. I can pick up the phone any time of the day and call someone just to chat. I’ve got email :).
Speaking of which, I got an email this morning from a friend who has a friend who was supposed to get married in February and found her fiancé dead of an embolism, which is just another reminder of how fragile and precious life is. We need to find ways to make each day count, to celebrate in some special way.
So this week I will focus on gratitude that my best friend remains alive and healthy, that the postal system works, and that he has some good books to read over the holidays--and so do I. I picked one up from the library that he recommended just yesterday. Milk in My Coffee, by Eric Jerome Dickey. He got it from someone in a nearby cell and said the funny, feisty heroine in it reminded him of me. Of course I had to check it out to see what he's talking about. The heroine is an artist, and I can already see the temperamental similarities :). But she's also a New Yorker, and got more chutzpah than I could ever imagine having. Maybe I'll learn a little something, reading it...
Another bit of good news is he got a visit on Monday, from Coach’s wife, who wanted to see him before he was transferred, but was having trouble getting there due to dicey weather and babysitting schedules—she’s a grandma, so you know how that goes :).
But she got to see him and left a message on my cell phone afterward, saying if he’s still there the day after Christmas, Coach will be up to see him. His sister also called, wondering if he had moved yet, because she was in the area and wanted to see him. Unfortunately, she was in the wrong area, but the sentiment was there. (He had told her in a letter he might be moving to a prison near where she was that day, one of eight possible locations he's mentioned over the past few months.) And yesterday I got an email from another friend wanting to know where she should send his Christmas card.
The only word he keeps hearing is “soon.” But next week is Christmas, and I can’t imagine anybody wanting to make that kind of trip so close to the holidays, so I’m looking forward to good news and the opportunity to laugh with my friend again in the new year.
In the meantime, here’s more of Letters to Laura:
December 18, 2001
Dear Laura,
Now you can see why I usually type my letters. My handwriting is terrible but I don’t care. I’m too busy to write neater.
Thank you for the Christmas card. Do I send out Christmas cards? You have to admit there is more evidence for Santa than you know who!
Merry Christmas,
Louis
December 20
Dear Laura,
I’m watching the game, but I feel like talking, so here goes. I realize you’re busy with the holidays, so don’t sweat writing back. When you have time, I’ll be here.
You can check your local paper about my hostage case. I was on the front page of most papers across the country. Governor T said on TV that people like me should never be allowed in population again. My partner was from your area so the write-ups were probably more about him than me.
Listen, I appreciate your concerns about my faith, but I’ve heard it all many times over. Maybe one day I’ll be ready to accept God into my life, but not now. Your letters are great, very insightful, but please let the God bit go. I’m sorry if you feel strongly about this subject, but I won’t even fake it with you that I believe. Please accept my friendship as I am. Thanks.
And I always answer mail whether I like what you write or not, so if you don’t hear from me it’s because I didn’t get it. That happens in here now and again.
Your night-time talk with your son sounds sweet and special. It makes me sad that I missed doing that with my son. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I’d be here for 23 years and counting. I always figured someone would tell the truth and I’d be set free.
I have a visit coming tomorrow. A friend’s mom lives in Philly and visits occasionally. Next week my football coach from high school and his wife will be here. My sister and a couple other people will visit soon, too.
Yesterday I got a holiday package; 36 bagels with cream cheese, a turkey deli box, cannolis, different types of cheese and sticky buns. I always eat well in population.
All right, Laura. I’ll catch you later. My best to your son. Thank you for your friendship.
Merry Christmas,
Louis
December 26
Dear Laura,
I liked your card with the dove on it. Thank you. You sent me a Christmas card, too, which reminds me, please don’t send any more cards. I appreciate them, but I don’t save mail. After I answer mail I flush it, so don’t waste your money.
Also would you please stop putting your return address on my mail? Once in a while mail gets mis-delivered and I wouldn’t want someone writing to you. I’d have to hurt them. I tell everyone who writes to me the same thing.
You already know me too well. You wrote you wanted to send as much religious literature as possible before I asked you to stop. Our letters crossed in the mail.
It really spooks me out when I’m in tune with someone so far away. Then I do believe in a higher power.
I’m sorry I didn’t respond to all of your literature. I’m really pressed for time. I work for my Unit Manager so my days are filled with clerical work. The first job I’ve had in prison that I like.
Did you get your book from Mary? She said she sent it to you.
I wish I could believe in God and at times in my heart I do have that warm, peaceful feeling you described, but it subsides real fast. I’m sorry I’m an agnostic, but I am a realist.
Enough of that.
Marion changed my life forever. I haven’t had a headache since I left in 1984. Nothing since has come close to the fear and paranoia level I felt there. Once you surpass a certain level of any emotion, anything less has little effect on you. At least that’s what happened to me.
Here’s just one story about Marion. This was the day two convicts killed two guards and stabbed three others in two separate incidents. One guard was killed by one convict, and another convict killed a guard and stabbed three others. In between all of this, a convict on D Unit was stabbed to death.
Funny, but in all the articles I read about the lockdown that followed, no one ever mentioned the convict that was killed. That happens a lot in prison. Convicts get killed, or kill themselves, and it’s just business as usual. No one ever hears about it except maybe their families. I’ve heard it said that we’re considered the living dead.
Anyway, at the time of the killings I was locked on F Unit, the side that faced the hospital. I saw the convict being carried into the hospital, then I saw the guards breaking for H unit. I saw the blue shirts on the stretchers, going into the hospital. Prisoners were cheering. “We got one in blue! We got one in blue! Here comes another one!”
Four guards came out of H Unit on stretchers that day.
I was the youngest prisoner there at the time and the lockdown probably saved my life. Generally you had to be 30 to be sent to Marion. I was 26. I spent 11 months there after my escape attempt.
The violence at Marion was unreal. You never knew when you were going to be ambushed. The level of fear and paranoia was sky high, and the administration liked it that way. It made us easier to control. They deliberately kept the blacks, whites and Mexicans all paranoid of each other. One convict who went through their control unit—which was basically designed to be a prison within a prison--wrote a paper on it called Breaking Men’s Minds: Human Experimentation at the Federal Prison in Marion, Illinois. The stuff he wrote about would blow your mind.
I once saw a convict get stabbed because before he locked into his cell the night before, he tilted the fan more in his direction than his neighbor’s. He went to chow the next morning, and to go to chow we had to walk through a metal detector, so his neighbor knew he didn’t have a weapon when he came out.
It’s the wolves in any situation who are the most paranoid. I never realized this until I read it in Dr. Samenow’s books, but I can relate. As King Wolf, I had to continuously watch my back. In 1989 I was sick with Hepatitis B from steroid abuse. I’d lost 40 pounds and was feeling weak. I still cut a business competitor’s throat. The night before, he and his crew tried to extort me.
I told no one. But I stayed up all night, thinking. . .and waiting.
First chance I got in the morning, I gave him my answer—55 stitches. I did 21 months in the hole for it and consider myself lucky. An assault by a lifer carries life. The state prosecuted me, using guards who hadn’t seen anything to testify against me—something that happens regularly in prison, guards who never saw anything testifying against inmates--so I told the man’s homies he was telling on me. They made him sign an affidavit saying I didn’t do it. That way if he changed his story, he’d have been brought up on charges of perjury. I used the affidavit in court and the case was dismissed.
The bottom line is in prison there will always be someone to test you, no matter how bad your rep is.
My friend Mary does workshops on fear. I’ve helped her write workshops for people who stutter on Fear, Fluency and Feelings. Today she asked me to write to a group of youth offenders she sees once a week. Believe it or not, youth offenders—or offenders of any age--have a lot in common with people who stutter. For one, most offenders don’t have a strong sense of themselves as individuals, even if they pretend they do. How else do you explain the gang mentality? Both people who stutter and criminals tend to have a rigid and narrow self-image. Usually with the criminal it’s “I’m bad, so what do you expect of me?”
And whether they like to admit it or not, both groups see themselves as victims. Remember Sheehan’s Giant in Chains complex? If only this or that hadn’t happened to me, I would be healthier, happier, wealthier, free. Offenders always have a ready excuse for why they get in trouble.
So you can’t attack the stuttering, you have to change your self-image. And once your self-awareness and self-confidence grows, the stutter usually fades.
I was what is called a covert stutterer. No one knew I stuttered because I hid it so well. How? By lying. Happens all the time. I know of a man who was able to keep his wife from knowing he stuttered for years. In many cases, it’s a matter of how comfortable you feel with the person you’re with. Chances are if they know you stutter and don’t care that you do, you won’t.
So if someone stutters openly he’s considered an overt stutterer, but many overt stutterers also lie, simply to avoid words we literally can not say.
In short, the embarrassment of stuttering is often more painful than that of getting caught in a lie. I’m sorry to say that’s a big part of why I’m still in prison. I lied on the witness stand to conceal my stutter. I convicted myself. I was young, stupid and too embarrassed to admit to anyone that I stuttered.
But back to your letter. I’ve been meditating for years. When I was in the hole in the 80s I loved to be out in the frozen yard by myself. There was so much peace out there and I’ve always liked the cold. I used to run in the freezing rain and loved it.
I’ve noticed a lot of inmates appear to enjoy solitary. I’ve seen them get themselves regularly locked up for 30, 60 or 90 days. Instead of placing themselves in Administrative Custody, which is considered socially embarrassing, they act tough and get locked up, so everyone will think they’re bad dudes.
But the real reason they get themselves locked up is to feel safe in solitary.
Thank you for writing and yes, I’m interested in writing a book, but I need help. Your help!
Sincerely,
Louis
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Guest Author, Alisha Paige
Today's guest is New Concepts Author and fellow Rose Alisha Paige. Alisha is participating in the Christmas Ride Blog with me and a whole bunch of other Wild Rose authors. Her entry was December 15, and mine will be December 23rd. But to get the full benefit of the Christmas Ride Blog, and to enter a contest for a $75 gift certificate to The Wild Rose Press, start at P.L. Parker's blogspot and guess the November 29 Christmas carol of the day, then follow the blog trail to today's entry at Ashley Ludwig's blog. Each author's blog will direct you to the next blog on the Ride, where different prizes are offered each day.To win the $75 gift certificate, all you have to do is keep a running list of the Christmas carol clues in each blog, and make a complete carol list to submit after the final blog post of Christmas Eve. Don't forget to check the list twice! Send it to Christmasrideblog@live.com by midnight, CST Dec. 31st 2008!
And now, here's Alisha!
Who are you?
First and foremost, I’m a mommy. My world revolves around my kids. Nothing makes me happier. Dianna is 12, Annalisa is 4 and Benjamin turned 1 last week. And I’m a big home body. The older I get, the more I hate a crowd or even going out. I’d rather stay home, cook a home cooked meal, hang out with my kids and my husband, catch a good movie, read a good book, snuggle on cold days and drink lots of coffee.
What type of stories do you like to write and why?
I try to write escapism for my readers. The world is so full of misery, the realities of life, especially now in these tough economic times. I only hope I can sweep my readers away to another world, another time where love conquers all. Letters from readers are the best. Only then do I truly know I succeeded in my quest.
What type of stories do you like to read and why?
I read many genres but I prefer romance for the happy ending. I also read biographies, history and poetry.
When do you write?
I normally write in late afternoon when the sun is setting on these long winter nights, with my first glass of wine in hand. My baby is taking his long afternoon nap, my daughter is home from school doing her homework and dinner is cooking in the crock pot. This is my peaceful time, when everyone is home again and I have a few hours before dinner.
When do you read? Where?
I read late at night when I go to bed by the light of an antique lamp covered with a sheer red cloth. Not the best for the eyes but I don’t want to wake my DH or my sleeping baby who sleeps with us. I was one of those moms that checked on my babies so often, I decided to bring them to bed with me so I could actually get sleep and now I love the baby years, snuggling with the wee ones between us. Very cozy.
Where did you get the inspiration for your books?
I have no ideas where I get my ideas or inspiration. I’m a total pantster. I actually have what I think is an odd way of starting a book. I pick a place, a setting first, then go from there. I once took a wonderful ski trip to Colorado and wanted to write a book set there. Well, I’d also been to see The Grand Canyon so I combined the two and placed my characters in both settings in what became Canyon Wolf Bride, my first paranormal romance. I’m working on another shapeshifter tale set in Circle City, Alaska. I wanted to spin a tale set somewhere very remote and very cold. Circle City is the last bit of civilization left in the Yukon Flats.
Where do you go to think?
I find myself thinking about my characters while I clean house and often in the shower I come up with new ideas. I think mundane tasks help my mind wander, triggering my creativity.
How did you come up with your title and main characters’ names?
I normally don’t come up with a title until the book is finished. Something the characters says or the name of the character will sometimes become part of the title. Nocturnally Vexed is about Vex Savaker, leader of the Orgulocks, a hybrid clan of shapeshifting vamps. I’ve received many compliments on that particular title. I have a baby name book for character names or sometimes I just make up names like in my YA fantasy. I made up the names Tyrian and Orionna.
How long did you write seriously before your first book was published?
I wrote seriously for about a year before my first book was published. My second daughter was born and I had the opportunity to stay home for a couple of years before going back to work. My DH knew it was a dream of mine and I had written a full length romantic suspense 8 years before that still collects dust. He bought me my computer and told me to go for it. I wrote five manuscripts in three years and I’m still going strong. My first two books sold within a week of each other and my world was changed.
Why do you write?
Because I can. It’s what I do. When I was a little girl, I’d write stories and give them to my dad to read. He was so proud and would read them to everyone, friends and family. I also had a high school teacher tell me that I had a spark. That really set me to dreaming. I wanted to see where that spark could take me. I’ve never forgotten her words. She called me to her desk and whispered it to me. Such a sweet memory.
Monday, December 15, 2008
Guest Author, Patti Shenberger
Today's guest author is Patti Shenberger, fellow Wild Rose Press author and Trisha Yearwood fan :). Patti's paranormal novella, The Laird's Lady, which recently came out in print, is the perfect read for a snowy afternoon at home.
And now, here's Patti:
Who are you?
I am Patti Shenberger. Wife, mother, daughter, granddaughter, aunt, niece, and writer. I have been writing the majority of my life and was first published it 1994 in non-fiction and in 1998 in romantic fiction. I can’t imagine doing anything else.
What type of stories do you like to write and why?
I write both romantic fiction and non-fiction. Everything from magazine length articles to full length romance novels. My first sale was a non-fiction piece on how to make potato jewelry for kids. Since then I have published over 20 fiction and non-fiction magazine articles, romance novels, novellas and short stories.
What type of stories do you like to read and why?
I love to read romance, but I also enjoy biographies. Right now I am reading a riveting book by Chip St. Clair called The Butterfly Garden. It is the true story of how he learned his father was a serial killer of children and he turned him in to the police.
When do you write?
I do my best work in the morning. The kids are grown and gone, and once hubby goes to work I find myself heading to the computer. That said, I do my very best work when I am under deadline. When not on deadline, I write in chunks, and not always in any order. I may work on the end of the book when only chapters 1-5 have been written.
When do you read? Where?
I read at night mostly. In bed, usually from 9- 11 p.m. But I always have a book in my purse, in the car, anywhere I go. Even on vacation! This past vacation I read three novels :).
Where did you get the inspiration for The Laird’s Lady?
I literally got the idea while listening to Trisha Yearwood’s song, How Do I Live Without You. I envisioned a woman, a ghost and a castle and ran with the idea. Hence, The Laird’s Lady. A true book of my heart.
Where do you go to think?
I do my best thinking at night, after the lights are out when I am lying in bed getting ready to drift off. Problem is I really need to write those ideas down as when morning comes I don’t always remember them. And that’s a bad thing because they were brilliant when I first had the thoughts!
How did you come up with your title and main characters’ names?
My last two books I ‘borrowed’ my third cousin’s first names :). They are Meg and Devin. I think they are wonderful names for heroes. For the hero – Laird Kyle MacLay – I used my great grandfathers name McLay and added an extra ‘a’. Titles are the first thing I come up with when I sit down to write.
How long did you write seriously before your first book was published?
I have been writing since grade school, won awards for my writing in high school, but didn’t get serious about it until after I married and had children. My first non-fiction sale was 1885, and first romantic fiction release was in 1998 with Womb For Rent. So a long time :).
Why do you write?
I write because it makes me feel good. And it also stops the voices in my head if I put their words on paper. Seriously though, I can’t imagine a better job than this. Writing what I love, and getting paid to do so. Who could ask for more?
Patti has been writing since she could put a pen to paper. She loves writing anything with a happy ending. Living in Michigan surrounded by family and friends gives her plenty of ideas for novels. When not writing, Patti can be found curled up with a good book, or off traveling to someplace warm with an ocean view. Currently she is hard at work on both a single title and a category romance. Please stop by www.pattishenberger.com and take a look around or email her at pattishenberger@comcast.net
Patti has been writing since she could put a pen to paper. She loves writing anything with a happy ending. Living in Michigan surrounded by family and friends gives her plenty of ideas for novels. When not writing, Patti can be found curled up with a good book, or off traveling to someplace warm with an ocean view. Currently she is hard at work on both a single title and a category romance. Please stop by www.pattishenberger.com and take a look around or email her at pattishenberger@comcast.net
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Happiness is Contagious in Social Networks
Happiness is contagious in social networks
By Elizabeth Landau, CNN
By Elizabeth Landau, CNN
(CNN) -- If you're feeling great today, you may end up inadvertently spreading the joy to someone you don't even know.
This network from 2000, colored for average mood, shows yellow as happy, blue as sad, and green as in-between.
New research shows that in a social network, happiness spreads among people up to three degrees removed from one another. That means when you feel happy, a friend of a friend of a friend has a slightly higher likelihood of feeling happy too.
The lesson is that taking control of your own happiness can positively affect others, says James Fowler, co-author of the study and professor of political science at the University of California in San Diego.
"We get this chain reaction in happiness that I think increases the stakes in terms of us trying to shape our own moods to make sure we have a positive impact on people we know and love," he said.
Sadness also spreads in a network, but not as quickly, the researchers found. Each happy friend increases your own chance of being happy by 9 percent, whereas each unhappy friend decreases it by 7 percent. This reflects the total effect of all social contacts.
When framing the question differently, the study found that you are 15 percent more likely to be happy if a direct connection is happy, 10 percent if the friend of a friend is happy, and 6 percent if it's a friend of a friend of a friend.
The study, published in the British Medical Journal, used data from the Framingham Heart Study to recreate a network of 4,739. Fowler and co-author Dr. Nicholas Christakis of Harvard Medical School charted friends, spouses and siblings in the network, and used their self-reported happiness ratings from 1983 to 2003.
Daniel Gilbert, professor of psychology at Harvard University and author of "Stumbling on Happiness," called the study "a stunning paper by two of the most respected scientists in the field" in a statement he e-mailed to CNN.
"We've known for some time that social relationships are the best predictor of human happiness, and this paper shows that the effect is much more powerful than anyone realized," Gilbert said. "It is sometimes said that you can't be happier than your least happy child. It is truly amazing to discover that when you replace the word 'child' with 'best friend's neighbor's uncle,' the sentence is still true."
If you are the hub of a large network of people -- that is, if you have a lot of connected friends or a wide social circle -- you are more likely to become happy, the study found.
But the reverse is not true.
"You might only have one friend or two friends or something like that, and if you become happy, you're not going to try to get more friends. You're probably going to stick with what worked in the first place," Fowler said.
The researchers are also looking at the phenomenon on Facebook, which has more than 120 million active users. This study, which has not yet been published, looked at who smiles in their profile pictures who doesn't, and whether their connections also smile or not, Fowler said.
"We find smiling profiles cluster in much the same way as happiness is clustering in the Framingham Heart Study," he said.
"We find smiling profiles cluster in much the same way as happiness is clustering in the Framingham Heart Study," he said.
It's not just happiness that spreads in a social network. Fowler and Christakis have also looked at trends in cigarette smoking and obesity using the parts of the heart study network.
They found that when someone quits, a friend's likelihood of quitting smoking was 36 percent. Moreover, clusters of people who may not know one another gave up smoking around the same time, the authors showed in a New England Journal of Medicine article in May.
They found that when someone quits, a friend's likelihood of quitting smoking was 36 percent. Moreover, clusters of people who may not know one another gave up smoking around the same time, the authors showed in a New England Journal of Medicine article in May.
Social ties also affect obesity. A person's likelihood of becoming obese increased by 57 percent if he or she had a friend who became obese in a given time period, Fowler and Christakis showed in a paper in the New England Journal of Medicine in July 2007.
And, like happiness, both smoking behavior and obesity seem to spread within three degrees of separation in a social network, Fowler said. Beyond three, things get fuzzier."Eventually you get out far enough in the social network that you're competing with all these other cascades of happiness and unhappiness that are sort of duking it out," he said. "Happiness on average wins, but once you get far enough away from someone in a social network, it's not possible to detect their effect anymore."
Saturday, December 13, 2008
Fridays With Louis
Advent is a time for watching and waiting, and it seems like everyone I know is waiting for something, not just at Advent, but the whole year ’round. Have you ever stopped to think of how much time we spend waiting? Not just in line, or on hold on the phone, but waiting for something? A test result, news on a job interview, for an editor or agent to respond to a manuscript submission, for an appointment with a specialist, for news of a loved one, for school to end, for Santa to come, for things to get better, for a check, for a friend, for the repairman, for the mail, for a new perspective, for the computer to boot up. Think about it. What are you waiting for?
Louis is still waiting on his transfer. I’m trying to figure out whether this is a case of no news is good news. Part of the problem, he says, is that due to his violent offender status, he needs a single cell. Where he is now, they have 2500 cells, but only 80 of them are singles. For him to be able to move into one somewhere, someone has to move out of it. So it’s partly a matter of logistics. And, like I said earlier, paroles have all but come to a standstill at the moment, so the prisons are practically overflowing.
At this point, I’m expecting him to stay where he is for the holidays. So this week I ordered him some more books so he would have something to read while everyone else is celebrating Christmas. A Patterson Alex Cross novel and two Baldacci’s I listened to in the car and thought were pretty good. One can only do Sudoku puzzles so many hours a day. He’s funny, sending me puzzles and trying to explain how you do them. It’s all Greek to me. It’s obvious, he says. All you have to do is…and he loses me at that point. Words are my thing, not numbers.
He’s also sending grocery coupons. Every now and then I send him my grocery store receipts to let him know what prices are like out here, quite a shock from 1978 prices, and now he’s apparently decided to help me with my shopping. He even sent a coupon for some kind of menopause supplement, so that I can start feeling like Me Again. I wonder if that’s some kind of hint. I think I’ve been a bit irritable lately. Got a lot going on around here, and it never seems to end. Me, I think I’m just waiting for peace.
That said, here’s the next installment of Letters to Laura.
Chapter Two
No Games
December 5
Dear Laura,
Thank you for writing. I enjoy your letters. It’s always nice to meet new people.
I don’t think psych majors want to get into people’s heads as much as you seem to think. For me, helping someone help themselves is rewarding. I love to analyze things. Like so many others in here, I was physically, mentally and emotionally abused as a child. I should send you a piece of what I want to write a book about. It’s really my life story in a nutshell.
It wasn’t until 1992, when I was 36, that I understood the ramifications of my childhood abuse. I took up psychology because I needed to understand why I was so messed up. In the process, I had to delve deeply into my psyche. But I finally solved my riddle, and while it destroyed some family ties, I’m glad I did it.
Wow, you and my friend Mary are two apples from the same tree. She is into the spooked out stuff too; inner peace and all that.
You can argue faith issues with me all you want. I’m always open to sensible conversation. And I’m not afraid of reading the books you sent. I just don’t have the time. If I were in the hole I wouldn’t have any problem with reading this type of literature.
I’ll finish this tomorrow. I’m really not in a writing mood any more.
December 6
8:00 a.m.
No yard this morning. Listen, Laura, I call a spade a spade. Anyone who thinks they’ve learned all there is to know about any subject is a fool. I wish I had faith. It would be nice to be able to put my trust in a spiritual being and not have to worry, but I am a realist.
Sincerely,
Louis
December 11
Dear Laura,
I was surprised by your fast response, or did time fly that fast? It seems the more time I do, faster it goes. I guess it’s because I’ve learned how to avoid unpleasant situations and what to do to make the time pass.
Not all convicts learn this. A long-timer will either go off the deep end between 15 and 20 years or he’ll be forever normal. I’ve seen it happen time and time again. You have to know what to look for.
Before we go any further, I need to mention relationships between women and prisoners. Since we have the time to write women long letters and pay attention to you, women tend to feel safe getting involved with us. You always know where we are, we can’t cheat on you and you can put us on the shelf whenever you want. Happens all the time. Women have more control over us when we’re incarcerated.
That said, you have nothing I want. All I ask for is honesty--no games. True friendship is hard to find and you’ll be surprised when you find it. I know I was.
To tell the truth, I uncovered my childhood abuse by accident. I was searching, trying to find out why I stutter. Looking for my first stutter, my first taste of fear. There’s a whole school of thought that believes fear can cause stuttering and in my case I have to agree with it. I spent the first 36 years of my life ruled by fear. Wanting to speak up but being afraid to—being conditioned not to--so much so that fear became a conditioned response in other situations, which only fueled my stutter.
So when I recalled my first stutter, my first taste of pure fear, I denied it. I ran it out of my mind, and in a couple of months it would creep back in again. It wasn’t until I was mentally and emotionally ready to handle the fact that I’d been seriously abused as a child that I allowed myself to face it. And when I did, it tore me up. But it also psychologically set me free.
Yes, I did 14 years in the hole, but I didn’t do any nut shit to get there, or any nut shit while I was there. In 22 years I’ve refused to break mentally, and I’ve never taken medication to do my time.
But I have to wonder, why am I still in prison for a murder I did not commit? Is it poetic justice for other mistakes I’ve made? God’s Law?
Like I tried to escape and got six years in the hole for it. But while I was in the hole I didn’t get any stupid write-ups for nut shit. I didn’t let the guards or other inmates play me out.
Speech therapist Joseph Sheehan wrote about the Giant in Chains complex. I had that for years. I blamed my stutter on why I wasn’t someone great. I was sure I had a greater calling in life than prison. Now, who knows?
I sent you that medical memo about the torn ligaments in my shoulders to save time in explaining what’s up with me.
And please, Laura, save your prayers for someone else. Not that I’m not grateful, but they’re better said for someone who appreciates them.
I’ll catch you later. If you really want to know about criminals, I’ll enlighten you. I wrote to Dr. Samenow for years. He wrote Inside the Criminal Mind, The Criminal Personality, and other books on us.
Sincerely,
Louis
Louis is still waiting on his transfer. I’m trying to figure out whether this is a case of no news is good news. Part of the problem, he says, is that due to his violent offender status, he needs a single cell. Where he is now, they have 2500 cells, but only 80 of them are singles. For him to be able to move into one somewhere, someone has to move out of it. So it’s partly a matter of logistics. And, like I said earlier, paroles have all but come to a standstill at the moment, so the prisons are practically overflowing.
At this point, I’m expecting him to stay where he is for the holidays. So this week I ordered him some more books so he would have something to read while everyone else is celebrating Christmas. A Patterson Alex Cross novel and two Baldacci’s I listened to in the car and thought were pretty good. One can only do Sudoku puzzles so many hours a day. He’s funny, sending me puzzles and trying to explain how you do them. It’s all Greek to me. It’s obvious, he says. All you have to do is…and he loses me at that point. Words are my thing, not numbers.
He’s also sending grocery coupons. Every now and then I send him my grocery store receipts to let him know what prices are like out here, quite a shock from 1978 prices, and now he’s apparently decided to help me with my shopping. He even sent a coupon for some kind of menopause supplement, so that I can start feeling like Me Again. I wonder if that’s some kind of hint. I think I’ve been a bit irritable lately. Got a lot going on around here, and it never seems to end. Me, I think I’m just waiting for peace.
That said, here’s the next installment of Letters to Laura.
Chapter Two
No Games
December 5
Dear Laura,
Thank you for writing. I enjoy your letters. It’s always nice to meet new people.
I don’t think psych majors want to get into people’s heads as much as you seem to think. For me, helping someone help themselves is rewarding. I love to analyze things. Like so many others in here, I was physically, mentally and emotionally abused as a child. I should send you a piece of what I want to write a book about. It’s really my life story in a nutshell.
It wasn’t until 1992, when I was 36, that I understood the ramifications of my childhood abuse. I took up psychology because I needed to understand why I was so messed up. In the process, I had to delve deeply into my psyche. But I finally solved my riddle, and while it destroyed some family ties, I’m glad I did it.
Wow, you and my friend Mary are two apples from the same tree. She is into the spooked out stuff too; inner peace and all that.
You can argue faith issues with me all you want. I’m always open to sensible conversation. And I’m not afraid of reading the books you sent. I just don’t have the time. If I were in the hole I wouldn’t have any problem with reading this type of literature.
I’ll finish this tomorrow. I’m really not in a writing mood any more.
December 6
8:00 a.m.
No yard this morning. Listen, Laura, I call a spade a spade. Anyone who thinks they’ve learned all there is to know about any subject is a fool. I wish I had faith. It would be nice to be able to put my trust in a spiritual being and not have to worry, but I am a realist.
Sincerely,
Louis
December 11
Dear Laura,
I was surprised by your fast response, or did time fly that fast? It seems the more time I do, faster it goes. I guess it’s because I’ve learned how to avoid unpleasant situations and what to do to make the time pass.
Not all convicts learn this. A long-timer will either go off the deep end between 15 and 20 years or he’ll be forever normal. I’ve seen it happen time and time again. You have to know what to look for.
Before we go any further, I need to mention relationships between women and prisoners. Since we have the time to write women long letters and pay attention to you, women tend to feel safe getting involved with us. You always know where we are, we can’t cheat on you and you can put us on the shelf whenever you want. Happens all the time. Women have more control over us when we’re incarcerated.
That said, you have nothing I want. All I ask for is honesty--no games. True friendship is hard to find and you’ll be surprised when you find it. I know I was.
To tell the truth, I uncovered my childhood abuse by accident. I was searching, trying to find out why I stutter. Looking for my first stutter, my first taste of fear. There’s a whole school of thought that believes fear can cause stuttering and in my case I have to agree with it. I spent the first 36 years of my life ruled by fear. Wanting to speak up but being afraid to—being conditioned not to--so much so that fear became a conditioned response in other situations, which only fueled my stutter.
So when I recalled my first stutter, my first taste of pure fear, I denied it. I ran it out of my mind, and in a couple of months it would creep back in again. It wasn’t until I was mentally and emotionally ready to handle the fact that I’d been seriously abused as a child that I allowed myself to face it. And when I did, it tore me up. But it also psychologically set me free.
Yes, I did 14 years in the hole, but I didn’t do any nut shit to get there, or any nut shit while I was there. In 22 years I’ve refused to break mentally, and I’ve never taken medication to do my time.
But I have to wonder, why am I still in prison for a murder I did not commit? Is it poetic justice for other mistakes I’ve made? God’s Law?
Like I tried to escape and got six years in the hole for it. But while I was in the hole I didn’t get any stupid write-ups for nut shit. I didn’t let the guards or other inmates play me out.
Speech therapist Joseph Sheehan wrote about the Giant in Chains complex. I had that for years. I blamed my stutter on why I wasn’t someone great. I was sure I had a greater calling in life than prison. Now, who knows?
I sent you that medical memo about the torn ligaments in my shoulders to save time in explaining what’s up with me.
And please, Laura, save your prayers for someone else. Not that I’m not grateful, but they’re better said for someone who appreciates them.
I’ll catch you later. If you really want to know about criminals, I’ll enlighten you. I wrote to Dr. Samenow for years. He wrote Inside the Criminal Mind, The Criminal Personality, and other books on us.
Sincerely,
Louis
Friday, December 12, 2008
Sweeter Romantic Notions Christmas Party Today!
Be sure and come to the Sweeter Romantic Notions Yahoo loop today for our Christmas Bash!
We’ve lined up a smorgasbord of authors with books to give away. You won’t want to miss this fun event and your chance to win BIG.
Here’s a list of prizes you can win, just for stopping by the SRN loop today! All you have to do to be entered, is post a message to let us know you are there! Lurkers de-lurk!
Jane Richardson a free print book of A Different Kind of Honesty, an e-copy of Perfect Strangers, and an aromatherapy pamper pack.
Stacy Dawn a download of Reindeer Games and a Fun-Stuffed Envelope
Maggie Toussaint one print copy of NO SECOND CHANCE
Nell Dixon an e-book copy of Marrying Max
Judith Rochelle a signed print copy of On The Run and a download of my Emily Brevard Christmas story, The Cactus Are Lowing.
Kim Watters e-copy of When Johnny Comes Home
Francesca Prescott an e-book copy of MUCHO CALIENTE
Lindsay Townsend an e-book of A SECRET TREASURE
Elaine Cantrell an e-copy of Purple Heart
Cindy Green e-copy of The Spirit of Christmas and a copy of Winter Wonders
Liana Laverentz Print copy each of Jake’s Return and Thin Ice
Carol Ann Erhardt an e-copy of Lighting the Tree
Diana Castilleja a journal, a set of stationary cards and an e-copy of The Eternal Kiss
Adelle Laudan an e-copy of Iron Horse Rider and, Biker Dude and Diva Snowmen Ornaments.Diane Craver an e-copy of A Fiery Secret
Bronwyn Storm a print copy of Ethan’s Chase
Stacy Dawn a download of Reindeer Games and a Fun-Stuffed Envelope
Maggie Toussaint one print copy of NO SECOND CHANCE
Nell Dixon an e-book copy of Marrying Max
Judith Rochelle a signed print copy of On The Run and a download of my Emily Brevard Christmas story, The Cactus Are Lowing.
Kim Watters e-copy of When Johnny Comes Home
Francesca Prescott an e-book copy of MUCHO CALIENTE
Lindsay Townsend an e-book of A SECRET TREASURE
Elaine Cantrell an e-copy of Purple Heart
Cindy Green e-copy of The Spirit of Christmas and a copy of Winter Wonders
Liana Laverentz Print copy each of Jake’s Return and Thin Ice
Carol Ann Erhardt an e-copy of Lighting the Tree
Diana Castilleja a journal, a set of stationary cards and an e-copy of The Eternal Kiss
Adelle Laudan an e-copy of Iron Horse Rider and, Biker Dude and Diva Snowmen Ornaments.Diane Craver an e-copy of A Fiery Secret
Bronwyn Storm a print copy of Ethan’s Chase
So come check out your favorite authors and meet new ones, and help us celebrate the season!
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Guest Author, Hywela Lyn
Today we welcome Hywela Lyn, fellow Wild Rose Press Author and computer graphics guru (at least to this technically challenged soul) whose Science Fantasy novel Starquest has just garnered three stellar reviews (links provided below) and who is hard at work on an equally riveting sequel.
Here's what I had to say about Starquest:
"Starquest is a fantastical journey about one strong, brave, and independent woman's search for love that will take the reader to places they've never imagined and reveal insights we all know deep inside. I lost myself for hours in her action-packed adventures, and knew that when the book ended, she had indeed succeeded in her quest to find the one true home for her heart."
Can you tell I like this book? I'm hoping to get lucky enough to say something equally prophetic about Children of the Mist when the time comes (hint, hint). In the meantime, we'll visit with the lovely Hywela, who is Welsh, and (if you haven't guessed by now) writes "Romance Out of this World."
BTW, Hywela is her Welsh first name, and Lyn what she goes by, so she combined the two to create her pen name.
1. Who are you?
For as long as I can remember, I have enjoyed reading and writing Westerns, Science Fiction/Fantasy and Adventure stories - always with a strong romantic element. I have had several short stories published, including a Western romance about Wyatt Earp', which was short listed in the ‘Lady’ Short Story competition and subsequently published in that magazine last year, before I decided to submit my first full length novel Starquest, which was recently released by The Wild Rose Press, and is available both in e-book and print.
2. Why Westerns? Why Science Fiction?
First of all, Westerns. Apart from the fact that I love horses, and horses played a crucial part in the history of the old West, I am fascinated by the idea of a new world, and exploring land where no white man had been before, the camaraderie of men and women thrown together in a beautiful and often harsh and dangerous environment. I read everything from Zane Gray to Jack Schaeffer. Unfortunately the market for Westerns in the UK is very limited, so I decided to try my hand at Science Fantasy.
I’ve always loved Fantasy and Science Fiction for pretty much the same reasons I love Westerns. Just substitute starships for the horses and you have the same scenario. I suppose I could sum this up in one word ‘escapism.’ An escape from the modern world with its selfishness, greed and lack of morals, respect or courtesy. Yes I know the real West was probably full of all the afore mentioned faults but the lone horseman risking all for the beautiful woman he loves, although a cliché, is a common element in the romantic Western and an escape from the ‘real’ world. Women had to be strong because of the hardships they endured but they retained their femininity. The hero might be a gunman but he had an old world charm and courtesy when around the ladies and ultimately stood for what was right.
The same can be said for futuristic and fantasy fiction. As a writer, one can mould the strange exotic worlds and societies to ones own ideal. No-one can say a certain concept, custom or attitude in futuristic fiction is wrong, because it hasn’t happened yet and who knows what may happen in the future? The worlds I create are usually untainted by crowded cities and technology, embracing the beauty and wildness of nature. My characters often have to fight the elements and the terrain itself. My heroes are strong and courageous, chivalrous and honourable - and of course, handsome and hunky. Don’t we all like to fantasize about a man like that?
3. When do you write?
I’m a night owl, so ideally I prefer to write late at night when I start to wake up. Unfortunately this does not go down too well with d.h. who has to get up in the early hours to go to work so I now tend to write first thing in the morning before ‘life’ takes over. I like to write in large chunks if I can, but if something occurs to me when I’m busy doing something else I’ll jot the idea down or steal a few minutes to type it out on the pc.
4. When do you read? Where?
I don’t get as much time to read as I would like, so I try to carry a book with me wherever I go. Waiting in the dentist or doctor, or on one of my rare visits to the hairdressers. I also read on the bus or train. I hate having to wait around anywhere and at least if I have something to read I don’t feel I’m wasting time. My very favorite place to read on a nice day is at the yard where I keep my horses. When I’ve finished cleaning out the paddocks, grooming and riding, it’s nice to just sit in the sun for half an hour and read a chapter or two.
5. Where did you get the inspiration for Starquest?
It began with my main character. She arrived unannounced in my mind, but complete with her name and favorite color! She would be the ideal mate for the dark, lonely hero I had in mind, modelled on my favorite actor at the time. She loved the stars and the wonders of space as much as I did. What started out as a short story grew as I became fonder and fonder of my characters.
6. Where do you go to think?
I’ve done a lot of thinking about stories in bed, as a means of getting to sleep (there are of course disadvantages to this since it can have the opposite effect.) I also ‘think’ a lot when I’m out riding by myself, or taking my dog for a walk. I find the outdoors a great source of inspiration and the peace and tranquility of the countryside is very conducive to working out a problem.
7. How long did you write seriously before your first book was published?
I suppose it depends on ones idea of ‘seriously’. I started believing that I might be published as a teenager. (Before then I had written purely for pleasure and because the stories were in my head wanting to be told. I had several short stories published and wrote a novel (a not-very-good Western) before I got so involved with life, work and my horses that writing took a back seat. I still wrote on and off though and a few years ago decided to write the novel I’d had in the back of my mind for a long time, Starquest.
In closing, I live with my long suffering husband, Dave, in a small village in England although I hope eventually to return to my native rural Wales. A keen animal lover, I have two horses, two feral cats and a rescued Jack Russell terrier.
My first novel, Starquest is available from The Wild Rose Press. The sequel, Children of the Mist, is currently in edits with the same publisher, and my novella about the Greek Muse, Terpsichore is available at TWRP now.
For as long as I can remember, I have enjoyed reading and writing Westerns, Science Fiction/Fantasy and Adventure stories - always with a strong romantic element. I have had several short stories published, including a Western romance about Wyatt Earp', which was short listed in the ‘Lady’ Short Story competition and subsequently published in that magazine last year, before I decided to submit my first full length novel Starquest, which was recently released by The Wild Rose Press, and is available both in e-book and print.
2. Why Westerns? Why Science Fiction?
First of all, Westerns. Apart from the fact that I love horses, and horses played a crucial part in the history of the old West, I am fascinated by the idea of a new world, and exploring land where no white man had been before, the camaraderie of men and women thrown together in a beautiful and often harsh and dangerous environment. I read everything from Zane Gray to Jack Schaeffer. Unfortunately the market for Westerns in the UK is very limited, so I decided to try my hand at Science Fantasy.
I’ve always loved Fantasy and Science Fiction for pretty much the same reasons I love Westerns. Just substitute starships for the horses and you have the same scenario. I suppose I could sum this up in one word ‘escapism.’ An escape from the modern world with its selfishness, greed and lack of morals, respect or courtesy. Yes I know the real West was probably full of all the afore mentioned faults but the lone horseman risking all for the beautiful woman he loves, although a cliché, is a common element in the romantic Western and an escape from the ‘real’ world. Women had to be strong because of the hardships they endured but they retained their femininity. The hero might be a gunman but he had an old world charm and courtesy when around the ladies and ultimately stood for what was right.
The same can be said for futuristic and fantasy fiction. As a writer, one can mould the strange exotic worlds and societies to ones own ideal. No-one can say a certain concept, custom or attitude in futuristic fiction is wrong, because it hasn’t happened yet and who knows what may happen in the future? The worlds I create are usually untainted by crowded cities and technology, embracing the beauty and wildness of nature. My characters often have to fight the elements and the terrain itself. My heroes are strong and courageous, chivalrous and honourable - and of course, handsome and hunky. Don’t we all like to fantasize about a man like that?
3. When do you write?
I’m a night owl, so ideally I prefer to write late at night when I start to wake up. Unfortunately this does not go down too well with d.h. who has to get up in the early hours to go to work so I now tend to write first thing in the morning before ‘life’ takes over. I like to write in large chunks if I can, but if something occurs to me when I’m busy doing something else I’ll jot the idea down or steal a few minutes to type it out on the pc.
4. When do you read? Where?
I don’t get as much time to read as I would like, so I try to carry a book with me wherever I go. Waiting in the dentist or doctor, or on one of my rare visits to the hairdressers. I also read on the bus or train. I hate having to wait around anywhere and at least if I have something to read I don’t feel I’m wasting time. My very favorite place to read on a nice day is at the yard where I keep my horses. When I’ve finished cleaning out the paddocks, grooming and riding, it’s nice to just sit in the sun for half an hour and read a chapter or two.
5. Where did you get the inspiration for Starquest?
It began with my main character. She arrived unannounced in my mind, but complete with her name and favorite color! She would be the ideal mate for the dark, lonely hero I had in mind, modelled on my favorite actor at the time. She loved the stars and the wonders of space as much as I did. What started out as a short story grew as I became fonder and fonder of my characters.
6. Where do you go to think?
I’ve done a lot of thinking about stories in bed, as a means of getting to sleep (there are of course disadvantages to this since it can have the opposite effect.) I also ‘think’ a lot when I’m out riding by myself, or taking my dog for a walk. I find the outdoors a great source of inspiration and the peace and tranquility of the countryside is very conducive to working out a problem.
7. How long did you write seriously before your first book was published?
I suppose it depends on ones idea of ‘seriously’. I started believing that I might be published as a teenager. (Before then I had written purely for pleasure and because the stories were in my head wanting to be told. I had several short stories published and wrote a novel (a not-very-good Western) before I got so involved with life, work and my horses that writing took a back seat. I still wrote on and off though and a few years ago decided to write the novel I’d had in the back of my mind for a long time, Starquest.
In closing, I live with my long suffering husband, Dave, in a small village in England although I hope eventually to return to my native rural Wales. A keen animal lover, I have two horses, two feral cats and a rescued Jack Russell terrier.
My first novel, Starquest is available from The Wild Rose Press. The sequel, Children of the Mist, is currently in edits with the same publisher, and my novella about the Greek Muse, Terpsichore is available at TWRP now.
Sunday, December 7, 2008
Guest Author, Adelle Laudan
Today's special guest is Adelle Laudan, fellow Sweeter Romantic Notions author and the busy lady who coordinates all our SRN chats on the yahoo loops and keeps us in line when we get there :). Adelle probably lives within driving distance of me, and so is no doubt sharing this cold, snowy day with me...a perfect day to snuggle up with a good book. I was fortunate enough to win a copy of Adelle's Smiling Eyes during a chat recently, and spent a blissful evening doing just that, reading and smiling.
Be sure to take a moment to vote for Adelle's Iron Horse Rider 2 by clicking on the link below. Thank you for coming today, Adelle (good thing you didn't have to drive!), and thank you for all you do for us at SRN.
And now, here's Adelle:
1. Who are you?
First, thank you Liana for having me here today. My name is Adelle Laudan, and I live with two of my four children still under my wing in Southern Ontario. There are three things in life I am most passionate about; Family, Writing, and Motorcycles. I’ve been known to write with emotion that sometimes surprises even me. It is my belief, if I can evoke any feelings from my readers, whether it be through laughter or tears, I’ve accomplished what I set out to do. Feel free to join me on the many twists and turns my stories will take you.
2. What type of stories do you like to write and why?
I like to write stories with many unexpected surprises. I also like to write stories that make you feel something. My favorite genre to write is biker fiction, since it is the lifestyle I’ve chosen for most of my adult life.
3. What type of stories do you like to read and why?
I have a diverse taste in the books I read. I love a good mystery or suspense, but you will also find me reading a heart wrenching inspirational. I love any story where I can lose myself—a story where I learn something new, or touches my heart.
4. When do you write?
Since I find myself being a single Mom once again, I can pretty much write when I like. I prefer complete silence, so do the bulk of my writing when my two teen girls are at school, or now that I am wireless, in my room at night.
5. When do you read? Where?
I usually allow myself a period of time between stories when I read. It’s like putting gas in the car for my next writing journey.
6. Where did you get the inspiration for your books?
I have three books on the go right now, lol. It is the Christmas themed one that is pulling me the most, probably because Christmas is fast approaching. I am inspired by Christmas music and movies.
7. Where do you go to think?
I always enjoyed sitting outside to think, but have recently moved into an apartment building for the first time in my life. I have now resorted to the solitude of my room to think things out.
8. How did you come up with your title and main characters’ names?
I usually have my names picked out before I start a story. Sometimes I will use a name of someone I know, or if my character comes from a specific ethnic background I will search the internet.
9. How long did you write seriously before your first book was published?
I was relatively lucky with my first submission, as Juliana was accepted within days. Most of my life, I have written my thoughts down on paper. A few years ago I started writing stories for my own enjoyment, only sharing them with a few select people.
10. Why do you write?
I write for a multitude of reasons. When I was younger, it was an escape from the harsh realities of my world. Later on in life, it became a way to feel like I was contributing something to society, since I am disabled and cannot go outside the home to work. Being hard of hearing plays a big part in why I write. When writing I have none of the frustrations that go hand in hand with functioning in a hearing society. Today, I write because it is a big part of what makes me, me. I can’t imagine not writing.
In closing, I thoroughly enjoyed sharing a little about me with you all. Feel free to ask me any questions you might have. I invite you to visit my website and check out all of my published work as well as what I have coming out next. Sign my guestbook, or join my Newsletter while you’re there.
The second book in my Iron Horse Rider series is up for Best Contemporary Romance at Night Owl Reviews. Vote for Coming Home- Iron Horse Rider 2.
I’ve created my own forum where I am posting an ongoing winter story for your reading pleasure. I also post a new jigsaw puzzle every day to pass time during the long winter months that are coming soon.
And you can Visit my blog every Thursday where I am an active participant in the Meme, Thursday Thirteen.
I am participating in many Christmas contests this year, so please visit my website as I update each one as they begin.
Wishing you Miles of Smiles.
Adelle ‘Legs’ Laudan
You can purchase Iron Horse Rider at Wild Child Publishing in eBook or Print.
Saturday, December 6, 2008
Fridays With Louis
What a week this has been! After feeling queasy for a week, and my son coming down with the flu right after Thanksgiving at grandma’s (at last count, fourteen people at Thanksgiving dinner had come down with the flu—that will certainly be a holiday dinner to remember!), I was out grocery shopping for chicken noodle soup and Gatorade for him on Monday and thought it very odd that here I was, surrounded by all this tempting food and I was not the least bit interested in any of it.
Two hours later, I came down with the flu. It only lasted two days, but it was an acute, painful couple of days. I didn’t do anything but sleep and watch movies and lose three pounds. By Thursday, I was back to grocery shopping again, and this time my cart was full :).
Now it’s Friday (well, Saturday, actually, since I used Friday to help a friend get her Christmas Ride Blog contest back on track), and time for the next installment of Letters to Laura. But first, I want to let you know Louis is still awaiting his transfer, still locked up in AC. Everyone tells him a different story. Several possible locations have been named, and one person indicated he might be heading my way, but at this point who knows? In every letter I get, someone else has told him, “It should be soon, now.”
Soon, as we all know, is a relative term. They've been telling him that for five weeks, now.
But I spoke with him this week, and he’s in very good spirits. I don’t know how he does it, stays so patient and accepting. Then again, he has to. He said two people on the transfer list ahead of him got write-ups and sent back to disciplinary custody (so they got booted off the list and will no doubt have to start all over again at the bottom), and he doesn’t want that to happen, so…
Especially since the person on the list directly ahead of him left last week (not this week).
When I mentioned how frustrating this has to be for him, he said, “That’s because you’re not used to it. I’ve been waiting (like this) for 30 years.”
In the meantime, he’s keeping busy with exercising, and his newest passion--Sudoku puzzles (I sent him a couple of Sudoku books at his request after he started doing the one in the daily paper). He says a puzzle can keep him busy for half an hour, an hour or--as was the case on Tuesday—for four hours, and he loves it. Says by the time he’s done with the book of 1000 I sent, he’ll be able to do any puzzle out there. It keeps him up at night, sometimes, figuring out strategies.
He’s also reading, reading, reading, but has stopped telling me what he’s reading, because he knows I’ll try to find a copy and I don’t have time to read any more books than I already do.
He did say he hoped he’d be able to call again for Christmas.
That said, here’s more of Letters to Laura. The names have been changed to protect the privacy of everyone involved, but you get the general idea of what’s happening, then…and now.
November 27
Dear Laura,
I started not to answer you, but here I am. The idea of Laura not being your real name really bothered me. I’m a very straightforward person. I don’t lie. I made a conscious decision to stop lying in 1984 when I went through a psychological change process with a criminal psychologist I wrote to for three years. You may have heard of him, Dr. Stanton Samenow. He wrote several books on the criminal mind.
So I was put off by your deception, but then I sat back and tried to analyze why you would use an alias. In my Women’s Studies courses I learned a lot about women, so I’m wondering if you’re in hiding. If maybe you’re an abuse survivor or in an abusive relationship. A couple of things you said in your letter don’t fit the profile, though. It’s got me confused, but also curious.
KO and I drew chessboards on paper, numbered the squares from 1 to 64 and played like that. Like, King’s pawn to King 4 was 13-29. In fact, if you tell KO 13-29, he’ll probably respond with 53-37.
How was your Thanksgiving? We were allowed to buy a holiday food package from an outside deli. I had a ton of food, ate turkey for days, and just today enjoyed my last two bagels and cream cheese.
So you had those books on faith from the Human Kindness Foundation sent to me. They’re in the bottom of my footlocker. I’ll make sure someone who’s into that sort of stuff gets them so they’re not wasted. Thank you for the thought, but in the future send them to someone more appreciative. I looked at them for a few minutes and was tempted to start reading them, but I put them away.
I’m not religious, but I am blessed. I have friends who’ve been writing and visiting since 1978. I don’t abuse their friendships and that’s why they’re still friends. I’m a hustler, a businessman. I make money in here, so I don’t have to depend on friends or family for money, like so many others in prison.
Yes, I’m close to home. I lucked out because they had nowhere else to send me. Generally the DOC tries not to send troublemakers close to home. It doesn’t matter to me where they send me, as I have friends all over the state. If I went to the prison closest to you, my friend Mary in Canada would visit regularly. I’ll give you her name and address later. You can write her a note and ask about her book. She does a lot of public speaking--a real fascinating woman.
Tell her I mentioned I had a friend who wrote a book and you’re interested in reading it. She’ll respond. She’s the only person in my life who ever told me to “shut up and let me talk.” We could be siblings.
Sincerely,
Louis
Date: 11-28-00
To: Deputy E
From: Louis D XX-XXXX
Subject: MRI Results
When I spoke to you and Major N on Thanksgiving you asked if I had received the results of my MRIs. You asked that I let you know when I got them.
I signed up for sick call today and Dr. N checked my file. I have torn rotator cuffs and torn supraspinatus tendons in both shoulders. For the record, I was not faking. I never would have offered to pay for the MRIs if there was nothing wrong.
This process took nearly eight months. I can’t count the number of times I have gone to sick call, asking medical staff to help me. I’ve written to you and Major N a number of times, and you are the only people who will answer me. I’ve filed three grievances.
I’ll be honest with you. I could care less about a lawsuit. I just want my shoulders fixed so I can get back to normal.
If you’ll check my original grievance, you’ll see that I also had problems with my knee, which is still bad, but I was told my medical staff, including Dr. T, that he could only take care of one problem at a time. Are we living in the DARK AGES?
I had a choice to make, get my knee or my shoulders fixed. At the time I couldn’t move my arms, so I’ve lived with a limp.
Now that you see that I AM NOT FAKING IT, may I please get my shoulders and knee fixed? What more medical proof does staff need? X-rays have shown numerous bone spurs in my knee.
I’m sending a copy of this request to the same medical staff I have been writing to. None of them will answer me or help me to get medical treatment unless you check on it. I thank you and Major N.
Respectfully,
Louis D
Cc: file
Deputy B
Major N
Mrs. L
Dr. C
Attorney L
For the record, I have seen Dr. T at least four times, and he has never examined me. He has never put his hands on me. He gave me two shots in my shoulders and that was it. Now I have to see this same person for an operation.
Two hours later, I came down with the flu. It only lasted two days, but it was an acute, painful couple of days. I didn’t do anything but sleep and watch movies and lose three pounds. By Thursday, I was back to grocery shopping again, and this time my cart was full :).
Now it’s Friday (well, Saturday, actually, since I used Friday to help a friend get her Christmas Ride Blog contest back on track), and time for the next installment of Letters to Laura. But first, I want to let you know Louis is still awaiting his transfer, still locked up in AC. Everyone tells him a different story. Several possible locations have been named, and one person indicated he might be heading my way, but at this point who knows? In every letter I get, someone else has told him, “It should be soon, now.”
Soon, as we all know, is a relative term. They've been telling him that for five weeks, now.
But I spoke with him this week, and he’s in very good spirits. I don’t know how he does it, stays so patient and accepting. Then again, he has to. He said two people on the transfer list ahead of him got write-ups and sent back to disciplinary custody (so they got booted off the list and will no doubt have to start all over again at the bottom), and he doesn’t want that to happen, so…
Especially since the person on the list directly ahead of him left last week (not this week).
When I mentioned how frustrating this has to be for him, he said, “That’s because you’re not used to it. I’ve been waiting (like this) for 30 years.”
In the meantime, he’s keeping busy with exercising, and his newest passion--Sudoku puzzles (I sent him a couple of Sudoku books at his request after he started doing the one in the daily paper). He says a puzzle can keep him busy for half an hour, an hour or--as was the case on Tuesday—for four hours, and he loves it. Says by the time he’s done with the book of 1000 I sent, he’ll be able to do any puzzle out there. It keeps him up at night, sometimes, figuring out strategies.
He’s also reading, reading, reading, but has stopped telling me what he’s reading, because he knows I’ll try to find a copy and I don’t have time to read any more books than I already do.
He did say he hoped he’d be able to call again for Christmas.
That said, here’s more of Letters to Laura. The names have been changed to protect the privacy of everyone involved, but you get the general idea of what’s happening, then…and now.
November 27
Dear Laura,
I started not to answer you, but here I am. The idea of Laura not being your real name really bothered me. I’m a very straightforward person. I don’t lie. I made a conscious decision to stop lying in 1984 when I went through a psychological change process with a criminal psychologist I wrote to for three years. You may have heard of him, Dr. Stanton Samenow. He wrote several books on the criminal mind.
So I was put off by your deception, but then I sat back and tried to analyze why you would use an alias. In my Women’s Studies courses I learned a lot about women, so I’m wondering if you’re in hiding. If maybe you’re an abuse survivor or in an abusive relationship. A couple of things you said in your letter don’t fit the profile, though. It’s got me confused, but also curious.
KO and I drew chessboards on paper, numbered the squares from 1 to 64 and played like that. Like, King’s pawn to King 4 was 13-29. In fact, if you tell KO 13-29, he’ll probably respond with 53-37.
How was your Thanksgiving? We were allowed to buy a holiday food package from an outside deli. I had a ton of food, ate turkey for days, and just today enjoyed my last two bagels and cream cheese.
So you had those books on faith from the Human Kindness Foundation sent to me. They’re in the bottom of my footlocker. I’ll make sure someone who’s into that sort of stuff gets them so they’re not wasted. Thank you for the thought, but in the future send them to someone more appreciative. I looked at them for a few minutes and was tempted to start reading them, but I put them away.
I’m not religious, but I am blessed. I have friends who’ve been writing and visiting since 1978. I don’t abuse their friendships and that’s why they’re still friends. I’m a hustler, a businessman. I make money in here, so I don’t have to depend on friends or family for money, like so many others in prison.
Yes, I’m close to home. I lucked out because they had nowhere else to send me. Generally the DOC tries not to send troublemakers close to home. It doesn’t matter to me where they send me, as I have friends all over the state. If I went to the prison closest to you, my friend Mary in Canada would visit regularly. I’ll give you her name and address later. You can write her a note and ask about her book. She does a lot of public speaking--a real fascinating woman.
Tell her I mentioned I had a friend who wrote a book and you’re interested in reading it. She’ll respond. She’s the only person in my life who ever told me to “shut up and let me talk.” We could be siblings.
Sincerely,
Louis
Date: 11-28-00
To: Deputy E
From: Louis D XX-XXXX
Subject: MRI Results
When I spoke to you and Major N on Thanksgiving you asked if I had received the results of my MRIs. You asked that I let you know when I got them.
I signed up for sick call today and Dr. N checked my file. I have torn rotator cuffs and torn supraspinatus tendons in both shoulders. For the record, I was not faking. I never would have offered to pay for the MRIs if there was nothing wrong.
This process took nearly eight months. I can’t count the number of times I have gone to sick call, asking medical staff to help me. I’ve written to you and Major N a number of times, and you are the only people who will answer me. I’ve filed three grievances.
I’ll be honest with you. I could care less about a lawsuit. I just want my shoulders fixed so I can get back to normal.
If you’ll check my original grievance, you’ll see that I also had problems with my knee, which is still bad, but I was told my medical staff, including Dr. T, that he could only take care of one problem at a time. Are we living in the DARK AGES?
I had a choice to make, get my knee or my shoulders fixed. At the time I couldn’t move my arms, so I’ve lived with a limp.
Now that you see that I AM NOT FAKING IT, may I please get my shoulders and knee fixed? What more medical proof does staff need? X-rays have shown numerous bone spurs in my knee.
I’m sending a copy of this request to the same medical staff I have been writing to. None of them will answer me or help me to get medical treatment unless you check on it. I thank you and Major N.
Respectfully,
Louis D
Cc: file
Deputy B
Major N
Mrs. L
Dr. C
Attorney L
For the record, I have seen Dr. T at least four times, and he has never examined me. He has never put his hands on me. He gave me two shots in my shoulders and that was it. Now I have to see this same person for an operation.
Friday, December 5, 2008
Christmas Ride Blog Contest Update
On November 30, I posted about a Christmas Carol blog contest I am participating in. How it works, is each day you go to a different Wild Rose Press author's blog site, and find the clue to that day's Christmas carol, and leave a comment to enter a drawing to win that day's prize, provided by the blog's author.
At the end of the contest, December 24, you send a list of the Christmas carols you have identified to Christmasrideblog@live.com, to be entered in a drawing for a $75 gift certificate to The Wild Rose Press store. Your entry must be received by midnight, December 31, 2008.
The contest has gotten off to a bumpy start, so here is the revised schedule for the past few days, for anyone wanting to go back and find the earlier clues.
Each day, the link to the next blog destination will be posted.
Here are the blog locations from day one:
Nov 29 http://plparker.blogspot.com/
Nov 30 http://lynnreynolds.blogspot.com/
Dec 1 WRP at http://thewildrosepress.blogspot.com
Dec 2 http://michelehart.blogspot.com/
Dec 3 2 today!-- http://www.freewebs.com/teriwilson/terisblog.htm http://www.elainepcantrell.blogspot.com
Dec 4 Roni Adams at http://thewildrosepress.blogspot.com
Dec 5 http://www.stacydawn.blogspot.com
Happy Christmas Carol hunting, and Good Luck!
At the end of the contest, December 24, you send a list of the Christmas carols you have identified to Christmasrideblog@live.com, to be entered in a drawing for a $75 gift certificate to The Wild Rose Press store. Your entry must be received by midnight, December 31, 2008.
The contest has gotten off to a bumpy start, so here is the revised schedule for the past few days, for anyone wanting to go back and find the earlier clues.
Each day, the link to the next blog destination will be posted.
Here are the blog locations from day one:
Nov 29 http://plparker.blogspot.com/
Nov 30 http://lynnreynolds.blogspot.com/
Dec 1 WRP at http://thewildrosepress.blogspot.com
Dec 2 http://michelehart.blogspot.com/
Dec 3 2 today!-- http://www.freewebs.com/teriwilson/terisblog.htm http://www.elainepcantrell.blogspot.com
Dec 4 Roni Adams at http://thewildrosepress.blogspot.com
Dec 5 http://www.stacydawn.blogspot.com
Happy Christmas Carol hunting, and Good Luck!
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Guest Author, Ellen Dye
Today's Guest Author is fellow Washington Romance Writer and Wild Rose Press author, Ellen Dye, who just got back from a lovely Thanksgiving trip to...Paris! (I got the most wonderful post card of the Eiffel Tower and it gives me something to aspire to--one day I'll send YOU a post card, Ellen!) But for now, we're glad you're back home safely and able to spend the day chatting with us, telling us a little about yourself and your book. So welcome home and here goes:
Who are you?
I’m Ellen Dye and my first novel is called Three’s The Charm. It was released electronically by The Wild Rose Press in August. It was released in print on November 28. Believe me this is a dream that was a long time in coming.
I was first bitten by the writing bug when I was nine years old and stumbled onto my Aunt Nettie’s strictly contraband trunk of True Confession magazines. Naturally, being that they were strictly contraband, I was compelled to read the lot, breaking only to refresh my supply of Munchos potato chips and RC Cola. Somewhere near the bottom of the pile I decided I wanted to be a writer and create stories just as great as these.
Then, being nine, I promptly forgot all about it.
Fast forward a goodly number of years, having gotten the pesky business of growing up out of the way, to a local grocery store. My year old son was screaming with enough force to shake products from shelves while I was attempting to stem the noise by stuffing his mouth with animal crackers---and in that instant I saw Them. Each and every one of Sterling MacFadden’s True magazines were there on the shelf just waiting for me.
Long story made short---I bought the lot, devoured them and remembered I wanted to be a writer. Then my husband installed Word on my computer which prevented me from forgetting my decision to be a writer this time.
I began tapping away and submitting faithfully, thinking of all the publishing experience I was getting and preparing myself for a flood of rejections. But to my very great surprise about a month later I got The Call from an editor at True Love saying they wanted to buy one of my stories.
When do you write?
Literally all the time. I’m sort of a quirky little scribbler who can’t ever seem to keep a schedule. In fact it’s lucky that I can, through writing, claim status as an “Artistic Type”---otherwise I’d be widely known as a complete airhead. So, back to my “all the time” answer and how that works---I keep a spiral notebook with me always and when I get a free moment (even if it’s in the school parking lot waiting for my son) I jot down as much as I can.
When do you read?
Well, interestingly enough the answer is just the same as the above---all the time. I always have a book with me when I leave the house, literally, for any reason. I read everywhere from grocery store checkout lines to hair salons when I zip in for a trim. And hey, no good night’s sleep can ever begin without a good book to start if off, right?
Where did you get the inspiration for your current book?
I love this question because for me it’s a real stumper. To be one hundred percent honest the truth is I have no idea where my ideas, or the inspiration behind them comes from. I do vaguely remember wondering, as I took my desperate to get home cat out of the vet’s office, what sort of life a country vet would lead. And pretty much from that point on Three’s The Charm took on a life of it’s own, complete with characters.
How long did you write seriously before your first book was published?
The plainest answer to this question is ten years, but it’s not exactly accurate. I started off writing with no desire to write books. I wanted to write confession stories, short fiction for magazines and general freelance articles. And I did. I was also exceptionally lucky in that I mailed my first batch of confessions off and received The Call from the editor at True Love about a month later. And I was really happy with this sort of writing.
So it was about five years or so before I decided to write a book in addition to the freelance stuff. Three’s The Charm was about two years in the writing and polishing and then another year and a half or so to sell. And I have to say I’ve never had so much fun writing anything as I did writing Three’s The Charm.
Why do I write?
Because I love it---it’s as simple as that!
Ellen’s first novel, Three’s The Charm is available now from The Wild Rose Press, http://www.thewildrosepress.com/ fictionwise ebooks and Amazon Kindle.
I’m Ellen Dye and my first novel is called Three’s The Charm. It was released electronically by The Wild Rose Press in August. It was released in print on November 28. Believe me this is a dream that was a long time in coming.
I was first bitten by the writing bug when I was nine years old and stumbled onto my Aunt Nettie’s strictly contraband trunk of True Confession magazines. Naturally, being that they were strictly contraband, I was compelled to read the lot, breaking only to refresh my supply of Munchos potato chips and RC Cola. Somewhere near the bottom of the pile I decided I wanted to be a writer and create stories just as great as these.
Then, being nine, I promptly forgot all about it.
Fast forward a goodly number of years, having gotten the pesky business of growing up out of the way, to a local grocery store. My year old son was screaming with enough force to shake products from shelves while I was attempting to stem the noise by stuffing his mouth with animal crackers---and in that instant I saw Them. Each and every one of Sterling MacFadden’s True magazines were there on the shelf just waiting for me.
Long story made short---I bought the lot, devoured them and remembered I wanted to be a writer. Then my husband installed Word on my computer which prevented me from forgetting my decision to be a writer this time.
I began tapping away and submitting faithfully, thinking of all the publishing experience I was getting and preparing myself for a flood of rejections. But to my very great surprise about a month later I got The Call from an editor at True Love saying they wanted to buy one of my stories.
When do you write?
Literally all the time. I’m sort of a quirky little scribbler who can’t ever seem to keep a schedule. In fact it’s lucky that I can, through writing, claim status as an “Artistic Type”---otherwise I’d be widely known as a complete airhead. So, back to my “all the time” answer and how that works---I keep a spiral notebook with me always and when I get a free moment (even if it’s in the school parking lot waiting for my son) I jot down as much as I can.
When do you read?
Well, interestingly enough the answer is just the same as the above---all the time. I always have a book with me when I leave the house, literally, for any reason. I read everywhere from grocery store checkout lines to hair salons when I zip in for a trim. And hey, no good night’s sleep can ever begin without a good book to start if off, right?
Where did you get the inspiration for your current book?
I love this question because for me it’s a real stumper. To be one hundred percent honest the truth is I have no idea where my ideas, or the inspiration behind them comes from. I do vaguely remember wondering, as I took my desperate to get home cat out of the vet’s office, what sort of life a country vet would lead. And pretty much from that point on Three’s The Charm took on a life of it’s own, complete with characters.
How long did you write seriously before your first book was published?
The plainest answer to this question is ten years, but it’s not exactly accurate. I started off writing with no desire to write books. I wanted to write confession stories, short fiction for magazines and general freelance articles. And I did. I was also exceptionally lucky in that I mailed my first batch of confessions off and received The Call from the editor at True Love about a month later. And I was really happy with this sort of writing.
So it was about five years or so before I decided to write a book in addition to the freelance stuff. Three’s The Charm was about two years in the writing and polishing and then another year and a half or so to sell. And I have to say I’ve never had so much fun writing anything as I did writing Three’s The Charm.
Why do I write?
Because I love it---it’s as simple as that!
Ellen’s first novel, Three’s The Charm is available now from The Wild Rose Press, http://www.thewildrosepress.com/ fictionwise ebooks and Amazon Kindle.
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