The Healing Power of Touch

If ever there comes a time when the women of the world come together purely and simply for the benefit of {hu}mankind, it will be a force such as the world has never known. ~Matthew Arnold, British poet and philosopher (1822-1888)

It’s been another busy week, so I’m going to combine posts again. I’ve decided as part of my weekly faith sharing group accountability to participate as fully as I can in Lent this year, and so have been spending my evenings at church, listening to various speakers. This takes up a huge chunk of time, but is proving to be well worth it in my efforts to bring my life into balance, mind, body, heart and soul. Earlier in the week I attended a fascinating series of talks on the power of The Holy Spirit in our lives, and last night I attended part of a special women’s speaker’s series where the topic was the Healing Power of Touch.

It’s no secret that people are born with the need for kind, compassionate touch. Studies have shown that babies thrive on the healing power of touch and people of any age are no different, no matter how many of us may claim differently. Unfortunately, as in the case of domestic violence or sexual abuse, touch comes to be associated with negative emotions such as fear and pain and shame, and some people find it easier to avoid any and all forms of human comfort or affection rather than open the doors to the conflicting emotions the touch of another human being can engender in us.

Sometimes, however, nothing less than a hug or holding hands will do. There are many occasions in life where words are inadequate, or fail us altogether. This can happen during a time of pain, grief, hope, joy, celebration, or simply during a conversation when someone gets angry or upset. Me, I’m a hugger, and naturally affectionate with the people I care about. I can’t even imagine what life would be like without the ability to reach out and share my joys and sorrows with another human being. To do so comes to me as easily as breathing, and, quite frankly, this new place Louis is in drives me nuts with their no-touching rule. It’s unnatural. In over seven years I’ve never had to worry about restraining my natural impulses to be affectionate or talk with my hands, so to speak. Now, suddenly, it’s an infraction of the rules and can get him sent into isolation without warning.

We talked about this a few months ago. To Louis, it’s no big deal. Human touch is not a part of his life. The only human touch he knows comes from acts of violence. He’s become so hardened in body and spirit that, to be honest, if I pat him on the back or shoulder, he doesn’t feel it at all. We did an experiment once, at his previous facility. He had me rub the place just below his neck and across his shoulders with the heel of my hand as hard as I could--and he didn’t even feel it, his skin is so thick.

So to have a visit behind the glass does not bother him at all. I found this mind boggling, and, me being me, started to launch into my beliefs on the power of human touch and how I consider it cruel to deny the inmates at his facility the ability to comfort or be comforted by their loved ones, especially since it’s been allowed everywhere else I’ve visited either him or Marc.

Incarceration is a very stressful thing no matter how close or distant your relationship. Just getting into the visiting room without incident is a stressful thing in itself—so many things can go wrong. Your clothing can be deemed inappropriate, or contain too much metal, your body itself can contain too much metal, you can get a false positive on the drug wand test for having lotion on your hands, handling drug-tainted money or pumping gas, your paperwork can be out of order in any number of ways, the information in the computer might not be up to date or in error, or your loved one can be transferred, or sent to the infirmary or isolation without warning. I’ve seen people denied for all of these reasons. So just to get in the door is a challenge.

Then, once you get in…you have to watch your every move so that you don’t inadvertently touch the person you’ve come to see beyond the hello and goodbye hug and/or kiss.

So, as I said, I started to voice my objections to Louis, and in my usual mule-headed way try to convince him this was a human deprivation of the worst order…I mean, even animals instinctually know the healing power of touch. When I started writing this, my special needs cat climbed into my lap seeking love and affection. I stopped what I was doing to pet her and coo at her as she purred loudly, clearly enjoying herself, until whatever need that had prompted her to come in and visit me was satisfied and she left. Just now a second cat strolled in, wanting the same.

This happens to me several times a day, with all three cats. They just wander over to either comfort or be comforted as the need strikes them.

Humans need that kind of comfort, too. But then I realized…why try to convince Louis the importance of something that he can’t have anyway? What would be the point of it?

But that doesn’t mean I can’t speak my mind here :). As women, we are special healers of the world, with our hands that soothe and comfort and provide love and affection to our partners, our children, our elderly relatives, our siblings, friends, pets, and each other. What can be more soothing than a woman’s touch as she places your head in her lap and gently runs her fingers through your hair? How about an all-enveloping hug where she rubs your back while you cry your heart out? Or one where she welcomes you into her arms after a long separation—or maybe even a quick hug just to say hello, I’m happy to see you again? How about a goodbye hug to wish you a safe journey until you meet again? What of the strength she provides as she holds your hand in a hospital waiting room while you worry about the outcome of a medical procedure for yourself or a loved one? What of the comfort she provides when you can’t speak?

Hands are miraculous instruments of peace. We use them to hold, and to let go. Arms are equally important. We use them to comfort, encourage, shelter, bolster, and protect. Don’t let these gifts go to waste. When you see the need or an opportunity to use them, be grateful that you can, and reach out with an open heart to do so. Your life will be so much richer for it. And when the time comes around that you need a hug, it will be there for you, whether you ask for it or not.

God will see to it.